Quotes and pretty words doesn't stop one from feeling scared
They make sense but its still hard to apply it on actual situation.
Like "Don't Worry, be happy", Duh! Everybody knows that but it doesn't stop people from worrying or feel anxious. I also don't want to feel anxious but fear always have a way of creeping and believing may sound ridiculously simple yet it can be so hard.
Isn't that ironic? Everyone is fighting so hard for happiness, not knowing which road to take, stumbling right and left. Everyone is trying so hard, for a better future. Sometimes, along the way, we even lose ourselves. Mistaking possessions as happiness, like money, car, house. We forget. "The best things in the world are what money can't buy". We fight so hard for it, just to realise in the end that that is the reason why we lose it in the first place.
Happiness is like a butterfly, you chase after it so hard but can never catch it. Until you get tired and it hovers in front of your face yet not close enough for you to catch. Then the whole cycle begins again. I feel life and wishes are that.
Its hard but I give thanks everyday. For everything. :) For my parents who are still healthy and that my grandparents are still alive. Lovely cousins and awesome IRRITATING friends. :) Random things like rain, beauty in the things I see, be it pencils or plants. Being alive is just too wonderful words.
Doesn't mean that heavy thoughts don't weigh me down. Doesn't mean I don't get depressed or thought that life was miserable. It does. A lot of time. Doesn't mean I am alone. Even if it feels like it, at least I can deal with it, knowing that the storm will pass. It hurts so bad a lot times though.
This is the truth. I am scared of the future. I keep running away. I don't even have the courage in me to go find out universities. =_=....that is how pathetic I am. I am giving myself a deadline though. I am kinda hoping I can go overseas uni. Its going to be scary, I don't know if I will get bullied or get racist treatment but I still want to go. Because I want to know what it feels like to fly. I never once stop dreaming of flying. Flying higher than anyone, soaring above the clouds. I can never stop that addiction. The adrenaline rush, the beat of your heart and the risk you are facing, the feeling is too amazing to describe.
That is true Freedom. A freedom I would never stop dreaming of.
