Security

I should be feeling happy.
This what I mean by a roller coaster ride of emotions
I am very insecure :(
I hate that

I want to learn to be more assertive
I want to learn to be more independent
I need to be stronger

Sometimes, I don't know what I am doing right
I don't know if I am too reliant on people as well
Am I annoying?

Do I do weird things?
Am I too obvious?
I don't even know

Urg....Hate having to deal with relationship
The feeling of wanting to runaway and be a hermit
is sometimes so tempting

Villain

How do you explain this feeling?

Where something good become bad

Where like become dislike

How did it end up this way?

I wanted to be nice.

But end up I became the villain.

This happened before

3 years ago

Is this a test?

To see what decision I make?

A chance to make it better?

Its taking the same route again

Except faster

Sometimes I get so confused

Am I mean 

I wanted to be kind

How did it turn out like this? 

 

Having a crush

Ok, I need to let it out.

I have a crush.

But I feel weird.
I don't know if I actually like him or not.
You have to admit, that you like someone first,
based on their looks.
It feels weird because no one thinks he is handsome
except for me.
All of them prefer this other guy.
Wonder if I am weird.

At first I really like him,
there was this fluttering feeling
after a while, it was just this mild fluttering
does it mean I am weird?
does it mean I don't like him anymore?

I still find it so hard to talk to him
I think I still like him. URG. I DON'T KNOW
Stupid guy! Make me think of you like this ><
Stupid guy! Make me worry like this!
OMG...I want to kill myself.
I just......................................
urg.....where is the hole to bury myself? /_\

How long do you have to know someone before dating them
I want to know him more actually
But he is so popular
he might not even like or notice me
sigh..... I feel like an idiot
What am I even writing on this blog

If only I could stop it
I don't know if I only like him out of loneliness
or cause I want to date someone
I don't think those are the right reasons to date a person
only make yourself look despo

He is funny. Playful. Have a beautiful smile and eyes.
I like him. sigh...no one can really be an lonely island,can they?
oh wells. what to do? Like as if you can choose who to like.
Hopefully I can talk to him more

Anyone can dream

I know that real life and manga are different

love isn't perfect or exciting like manga

where the main guy and main girl like each other

in fact, it might just be a one-sided crush

But I still wonder how does it feel like?

To bask in the love the person shower you with

To be looked upon like you are all 

that the person is ever going to need

How does it feel like so loved and so needed 

by another person whom you love?

Feelings so strong that you don't want to part with them

you are willing to bet the rest of your life with them

I wonder how it feels like

to be so safe and secure within another person's embrace

waking up next to your loved one

Having everything in set of twos

Having someone care about you when you are sick

Just simply having someone by your side

Whispers of sweet nothings and promises of futures

Sharing and support of dreams and endless laughter

I think even though people want to be strong and be independent

sometimes, its just good to go back home

and have someone welcome you back

Someone who knows when you're missing or feeling sad

Someone who cares

Someone who wants you in their life

to be part of their world

build their dreams and inspiration with them 

Then what happened?

Life isn't happily ever after...

when the honeymoon phrase is over

does the image break as well?

Can love really hold out through it all?

the sweet and tender moments of love 

are really so precious and pure

that it makes you want to cry

The couples I admired the most

aren't couples that look picture perfect

but old couples still holding hands

slowly supporting each other

even though both of them are weak

I wonder what do people remember most about their love?

Was it the wedding? How they first met? Their first kiss?

How they patched up after their first big fight? 

Most of all, what maintained their love?

I always needed you

Mama, Dd,

Please lend me your power.
To fight this illness so that I can score on my test.
I don't want this illness to be the reason for the results of my test.
I want it to be based on my own ability.

Mum, if only you were here,
you did know what to do.
No matter what it just felt reassuring to have someone there.
I never realise the comfort and security that your presence bring.

I miss you all so much.
But I don't want you to worry.
Who knew all the time, when i wanted to get out of the house,
now that i am out,
I just want to run back to your arms.