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What a day

XP

Hear me

I get so fed up with myself.

Half the time when there is so much important things to say, I always get choked up in tears.
The main reason isn't because I am angry or sad. But its cause I get so frustrated.
I want to say so many things, I want to convey my message but......it always get struck....

 Then I become so angry at myself for being so useless that I end up crying. Unable to say a thing.

 I want to tell her, its not your fault. Its not anyone's fault.
 I just want everyone to stop hurting.
 But always....the waterworks start first then I start hiccuping very bad...
 then the words.........never got a chance to come out...  

 Somehow I always make matters worse.
 Everyone is trying their best, its just that somehow....
 We keep missing each other
 keep misunderstanding each other
 keep blaming each other
 keep hurting each other

 With so many words inside me,
 so many sentences, thoughts, messages...
 but I can't convey it...

 Need to listen...I need you to wait...I need to listen...
 Can you listen?

Y

You have a way 

of making people 

feeling that they are better off 

dead than living

You have an appetite 

for crushing people's spirit

chewing and tearing them up

than spitting them out

Acting like you are the victim

when its the opposite

the rules you set

change according to your mood

Expecting perfection from others

never looking below the surface

to see how rotten and disgusting 

it is inside

Its always about you

how you are suffering

how you are in pain

how you are in agony

spinning people in circles

making them lose their sense of direction

losing sight of themselves

wondering who they are

sometimes making them 

feel worse than nothing

feeling life is meaningless

bring the worst out of them

misunderstanding

pain

argument

nothing helps

except to spit the crack wider

to tear everyone apart further

now even if the cracks come together
the past can't return
anymore

run...

"Shhhh"

Close your eyes

Don't speak

Just listen

.....

Can you hear it?

The sound of a girl crying?

the cutting silence

the crashing waves

fours walls all around

with blood dripping down

the feeling of drowning 

never being able to stand up 

again

The darkness that draws you closer and closer

silent screaming

frustration piling up to exhaustion

Standing and falling

meaningless life

repeating cycle

Where is the light?

What happen to the old times?

So many unanswered question

so much misunderstanding

so much pain

hearts that are broken beyond repair

how long more?
when will it end?
spilled tears
wounds and pain

"Shhh..hhh"
stop talking
don't speak

just let me rest for a little while more
just let me sleep for a little while more
just let me runaway

Hardened UP

I stopped crying long time ago

realising 

tears are useless

and that it can't changed anything

My heart was drowning in the tears

that couldn't flow out

so I froze it 

and harden it

So that no tears can escape

nor can it be hurt anymore 

or so 

I try to make myself believe..

When the push comes to the shove

I can't cry

Frustrating yet I know I can't

When you know that 

you are all alone in the world

that no one will be there 

that everyone is waiting for you to fall

You can only be strong

You must be tough

even if its all a pretense

cause 

you only got yourself

Even if I become cold

I don't have choice

Its a way of survival

the only way

I know how to survive

in this cold harsh and cruel world.

Eyes Open

Stress piling up,

higher and higher,

sinking you down

further and further

Wanting Quality 

yet time

 is your main enemy

17 hours of work 

is not enough

Hurry! Quick!

rush,rush,rush

Everyone is watching

Everyone is waiting

Wanting you to breakdown

Wanting you to fall

Overwhelmed with worry

 push to the limit

at the edge of breaking down 

wanting to let everything go

Take a breath

Stop

Layout your work

Focus- one at the time

You are you

stop comparing

be it slow or be it fast

it will definitely be done

Believe.

You can do it

Tips:

Don't Slack :D

Let tomorrow worry for itself  ^^

"Do your best and let God worry about the rest"