Anyhow

I realised I got trauma for a lot things. Guys, colour of food, church...etc...

...I guessed, I was very hard for myself since young thats why it develop to who I am now.
I experience a lot of things kids shouldn't have. And to mature on my own without adult guidance was one of the hardest thing. The world felt so dark and cold.

There were so many things that I don't understand. I didn't know what I was doing was right or wrong as a child. I relied on my instincts most of the time, but my instincts often fight with my sensibility. There was no one to teach me. No one to tell me.

But I guess, I am better now. Looking back, I always cry myself to sleep when I was young especially when I was Primary 6.

NOW...this is stupid. There are so many medication that I have to take which makes me look like I am going to commit suicide instead of getting better. This is so DUMB!!!! I don't even remember receiving so much medication when I was younger!!!! How on earth does my body even assimilate all of them?...

Anyway...today is just crazy. I keep meeting the person I like...The person I wished I could see every single day....Like what they say...be careful of what you wished for. First time was really awesome...then with each time..it progressed to be really awkward....

He went for class and he was sitting sideways through the glass door....I couldn't stop my eyes from straying to him time to time....The best part? He kept staring at me!!!! I couldn't help blushing and stop looking at him. But every time I look back...he was still staring..

I shall pretend its my imagination and don't let my heart hope too much...><....jeez!!!!Irritating.......why is love so hard? I don't like it when my logical sensible self turn into a stupid fool because of this!!!

Stop and Stare

I keep walking.
Where? I do not know.
I only know I got to walking.
Even if I can't see what is in front of me.
Even if I am scared or afraid.

I know I got to keep moving
But I am scared.
I can't see.
Everything is so dark

I know I got to keep moving
But I am afraid.
I feel like I keep getting lost
I don't know where to move forward to

I know I got to keep moving
But its like walking on a tight rope
One wrong move, and everything is gone
I keep suffocating, finding it so hard to breathe

I keep moving, even if I don't know where
I have to. I need to. I want to.
For my future. For myself. For the sake of what I want.
For those people who are there for me

I keep getting lost.
I know I will fall.
but I must not falter.
Expectations and wishes may be pressurising

Time can be so overwhelming
So many lessons that I still need to learn
So many obstacles to knock me down
But I still got to keep fighting on

For that one and only wish
that I keep holding onto
unable to let go
even now......

Eyes close....Breathe...

FB Photo

Okay. Things are getting rather good. So good suddenly.

All cause I posted a photo on Facebook....

I was so happy that many people "Like" it and commented "Good job" and "Keep up the good work" that kind of things. However Last night and today was really a shocker......

Last night was the 22th august when the once a year letter-reply finally came in a form of a Facebook message. +_+

I never received a facebook message for so long, thinking of someone else in mind and I clicked it. One click and "it blew my mind away"... I couldn't believe who it was. Quite shocking....

Lets just name her as hedgehog. (Btw, this is not an insult or anything. Just what I feel represent closest t o her personality) She kinda promise to reply my letter on teacher's day, I think 2 years ago....she promise to reply it in a year? Anyway, the thing was she did....:) At least this adult can keep her promise though I feel a bit sad?
 Because I don't want her to think of this things as a burden or a bound. Its okay if she didn't reply. But now that I think about, she thinks of little things as very important things (It doesn't mean its a bad thing) and as an observant person, she cares a lot for others. She promised to reply me a year later =_=...this is starting to get a bit......strange???

Anywhere, the next part was when she "Like" my photo...My brain was already hay wired but after seeing, I suspect my screw and wire just bounce out of my head, leaving an empty hole. I never tell her which course I study for the fear of stupid adults looking down at me, congrating me while in truth, they are looking at me with eyes of pity and sadness. It makes me want to scream at them and hurt them so bad. I HATE it. SHUT UP already, you idiots!

Iife is already hard enough but do you know that as adults, I don't care if you don't help because I know I got to carve out my path on my own. But stop it. Your words and your actions. Its..I just don't understand it...Badmouthing people, double face......I don't get it....

Thats why I kept my lips sealed when hedgehog kind of asked. I couldn't stand another one of those stupid glances and one of those halfhearted smiles... Hedgehog gave me that "sorry" look, it makes me want to throw something. anything.

Anyway, about the "like". I wonder, what does it mean? Is it from the bottom of her heart or was she already shaking her head at me like one of "Them"? Never mind...its over...till next year

Soaring on broken wings

  For that little child

You were crying so hard

crying so bad

wanting the love and comfort

that you once had

Even though you were just a child

who should be smiling 

and laughing happily 

like any other children

Life was harsh 

and Adults made it worse

Despite 

feeling lonely and sad,

you still try to soar on broken wings

hoping for a better tomorrow

Trying so hard to break those walls

to set your voice free

You fought through life

with just hope alone

life was so tough

even though 

you were just a child

If I could,

I want to pick you up

hugged you gently

stroke your hair

And whispered in your ear

"its alright now.you have me. 

its fine now."

To cry with you

Letting all the sorrows and misery out

  but don't worry

you will make it through

because  you have what others don't

You are you

the precious darling of God

and he would never forsake you

Every thing that happens

have a reason

Every obstacle exist 

to make you stronger

Never stop hoping

Never stop believing

because you always have it in you

Reminiscent

Okay, its not a rainy day.

 But this song "Reminiscent"- by Yiruma, just the first note and my heart seem to sting with it and it feels like crying.

 I never thought that a piano piece could express such a word so vivdly and so resounding that your soul can actually be in tune with it. The fast yet melancholic melody seems to sear open the locked doors of all the past memories that you left behind...

  I like the sound of his piano. It is so resounding and loud. It echos deep and touches the deep yet forgotten parts of your heart that you just want to leave behind. His music is like raindrops on a puddle of water. The first note captures your attention and the melody like ripples echoing through the surface of the water, touching your soul.

 
Anyway, I am just tired and procrastinating my work. :P

Paper pattern

I never knew that garments were made with paper pattern. I only thought of fabric.

Now I am here, with the whole table buried with tools and paper...=_=
Damn Xian....