Goals

Since coming here, I decided to change.

I am not going to rush.
Been there. Done there.
Didn't help. I only got anxiety attacks.
Sleepless nights spent on worrying.
Depressed, wondering if I will make it through.

So I am going at my own pace.
I am not to rush. I am going to do whats best for me.
I am not going to listen to you anymore.
Study. Take a break. Stop worrying. Rest. :)

I also want to be a better person than I was yesterday.
My only demon is me.
Its still a bit hard to change my mindset. :P
Its so hard not to follow the crowd especially when you want to fit in.
But the price you have to pay in the end...Its not worth it for me.

Because I want to be happy.
Everyone deserve happiness.
Thing is, we have to fight for it.
I lost sight to it since I was so caught up in everyone's pace.
So I am trying to find it again now.

I will take less papers because I am still trying to get use to everything.
I will be scared but still swallow my fear, and open my mouth to make friends.
I will cry because I am scared.
I will worry because everything is still so new.
I will laugh because there are many reasons to be happy.
I will work hard because I want to achieve good grades.
I will play because I like to! :D
I will join events because I want to.
I will be happy because I deserve to.

I am not going to be like any one of the people in the crowd anymore.
You might think I am a loser. But I am over that now.
Look at yourself. Your bury heads down everyday, grumbling about life.
Frowning over your phone or work. Walking fast, not seeing anything around you.
 Forever unhappy. Forever unsatisfied. Why did I try so hard to be like you?
Sure, you are successful. You are rich. You are what everyone dreams to be. I used to as well.
But I am not happy. I want to be happy. I want to stop hating myself. I want to love myself.

I maybe weak but what to do? :) Thats me. The weak little me. Still, I keep trying everyday.
I will walk at my own pace now. Admire the flowers and trees. Look at the broad sky. :) I like it better like that. Bye bye. Old life. :)

Just keep breathing

If I can go crazy, I will go crazy for you to see.

Sigh.....

I wonder just how much a heart a takes. 

I want to be strong.

In fact, I know I need to be strong.

But where does the strength and courage 

I need come from?

Its hard to not feel alone when you actually are

It hard not to feel weak when you are alone

Its very hard not to feel scared when you are alone

Its harder to be stronger when you are just you

Its just so hard

I need to smile

Act

Pretend

as long as it was

Anything but myself

I have to keep trying

I can't fall

I really feel like going crazy

I don't want to feel scared, lost or lonely

All I want is just to be happy

Why does happiness seem so far away?