A quilt of memories

Memories are like bits and pieces of fraying fabric
Sometimes you learn a lesson
Other times, a spark of a strong emotions
Some are lesson of your firsts
Others are things you regret
Times you share with others
Gifts that others give you
Some old before their time
like a faded Polaroid
other fresh as yesterday
Achievements so important then
so meaningless now
Somehow all this bits and pieces
mismatched and fraying
joined and sewn
seam to seam
forming and laying
a foundation
reminding you of what you were
and being who you are now

An old promise

Its a new year. This year is going to be different.
A lot of things are going to change.
So I am just jumping out of my comfort zone - Free fall
No Safety net.
The irony.
Never thought that one day, I would be going against everything I swear.
All those promises. That small girl with lonely eyes and sad face.
Somehow life and age seem to change perspective over time,
yet those strong feelings still remain.
I just hope she wouldn't end up crying again...

Never good enough

I am me. 

It should just be that.

No more, no less.

I decide my worth.

I know I will never be good enough for you

no matter how hard I try.

I know. 

But why is it, 

my head know this, 

my heart also know this, 

yet I still hope

Like a straight little fool

I still hope

Hope that you will wait

Hope that you will listen

Do you know,

a little part of me dies.

Every single time,

Every DAMN time

Harden frown

Vicious tongue

Stabbing words

Angry brows

Most of all,

Disappointment 

written all over your face

underlined in your words

I keep running

never stop running

running till I am out of breath

running from all the hurt and pain

running from your rage

running from your words

hiding from your disappointment

hiding from the hate

But I never do

I could never out run you

Never out run pain

Never out run hope

I dunno what to do now.

I dunno how to stop hoping.

I dunno how to stop hurting.

Hand in Hand, facing fears together

Lets keep walking.

You are alone there. I am alone here.
We are both scared. Unsure of the future.
You keep looking for things to be thankful everyday.
While I am trying to treasure whats left of my time here.

I am alone. I am scared. I just want to turn around and run.
Time and time again, I consider the easiest way out.
But you were always, lending me a hand.
Patiently. Waiting. Listening.
Suddenly the fear was not as loud as it seems anymore.

Suddenly, there were more of "I can do it",
rather than "I can't".
And I am not alone anymore.
Because you are there.

Waiting for me like always.
You are sad, missing home, regretting.
But you are strong.
I seen it. The courage hidden within it.

You will definitely make it.
You might smile in disbelieve.
But there are a lot of miracles
I seen happened with you.

When you feel like you can't, I am here.
I will be here. Like how you are always there for me.
I am sure both of us will make it out alive.

If not, I will call you up at 4am. :P
And you will have no choice but to pick up~

Just one more day

Just one more day

Indulge me for just one more day
Please, don't let this dream fade yet
Don't break this bubble of happiness
Lets just pretend for a while

Let my eyes slowly trace out your face
over every bump and detail
reliving it in my head
with all those short sweet memories

I know. You know too.
Those eyes reflect mine
but this dream will end tomorrow
and fade away

Anymore than this
will be too much
it will become a sin

A secret, it shall be
between you and me
So lets relish in the
seconds ticking away

Before the goodbyes......

Ghost

Hidden in the depths

Strikes at any sign vulnerability

Paralysed feet

unable to scream or shout

for help

Fear waiting to attack 

Too many things 

at a time

Time ticking away

Breathing difficulty

Anxiety seeping through every pore

As much as I try

to leave these two behind

The ghost of past, present and future

will never stop haunting me

Future fears

I kinda feel pathetic. Needing to have so many people to comfort me and reassure me.
I guess this is what happens I can't control or foresee the odds that may come my way.

But one thing is clear though.
I will be in a foreign country soon, only thing is which one.
My heart grips so tightly with fear and
the moment I think about it,
my chest,hands and feet become so paralyzed with fear,
I can't sleep.  
The only thing I can do now
is research and more research.
So many decisions to make
and all of them must be done now.

Breathe.
One at the time.
One at a time.
Its ok.
I can do this.

Just sleep away

Heavy weights bring me down

I don't struggle

I don't fight for life

Water drowns out everything

Its a whole new world

Free from sad memories

I just watch

as the light slowly get fainter and fainter

Despite all this

I still find my hands stretched out

why?

All this loud vast empty silence

within my heart

reflect

these dark waters

that suffocate me

to the end

Breathless

Keep quiet

Don't speak

Don't shout

Don't Scream

Don't Scold

Listen

Please

Listen to me

I read this book that was so sad, it nearly broke my heart. 

A mother grabbing her daughter hard, telling her, 

"Never have kids, cause they will only break your heart". 

It makes me wonder, its that what having children suppose to be all about?

Giving each other misery? Breaking each other's heart? 

I am out of breath

drowning further and further

down

I am tired of fighting

I am tired of trying

I am sick and tired

of pretending 

of lying

of all this pain and misery

Most of all

I am sick of myself

A sad sad disappointment

Sometimes I don't want to talk
we just end up fighting
I still find it amazing
how we can turn a simple good morning
into a squabble
that leaves us both hurt
with bad taste in our mouth

Its not like you were
interested in listening anyway
Every thing is about you
how you are feeling
how disappointed you are
so on and so forth...

Things I say
you just ignore
because its not important
and the fact that
you are always right

Everything about me
is just wrong
Every thing I do
is just unbelievably bad
Basically
A very saddening disappointment

-__-

I am tired of facing you
and you are tired of dealing with me
Sometimes I think fate or destiny
like to play tricks on us 
though I still can't find out a reason why