Words

Its possible to feel two ends of the extreme for the same person.

Its scary how the more you feel for the person, the quicker, the feeling can twist and turn into.

I stop talking a long time ago. But you didn't notice.
You keep talking....think I was pulling a long face at you.
In truth, I couldn't be bothered by you anymore.

Every time you spit out those poisonous words that wrapped me tight and pierce through with its sharp claws. I feel as if this body doesn't belong to me. Like as if watching a play, I am just this voodoo doll for you to stab needles.

I guess I am tired. 

Its tiring trying to force my way through your twisted turning blocked and never ending garden. Slamming and banging my hands against your wall. End up our hands all bloodied, legs injured and scratched up so bad, that indeed, maybe its better to give up.

We just can't tune. Words. Words that are suppose to help us communicate, to bring us closer together.

If only I can show you how deeply your words affect me, all this internal bleeding and scars, maybe then you might understand?

I am never the person good with words. I am not clingy, I don't go down to fetch you. I don't tell you things that other children would often tell their parents.
And you were never the kind to be patient and listen. Always rushing, never stopping. Going so fast pace expecting me to catch up with you.

We keep trying. But like two rocks forcing against each other, we always end up all beaten up.

I don't what I am waiting for. Walking through my mind in a peaceful meadow under the soft sunlight, taking in the sweet scent in the air and feeling very contented like this.

Not having to fight with anyone. Just free to be myself. No need to be bound by anything. Just be myself. Be free.

The language of Flowers

To my mother.......Red Carnations

Goodbye

You know....thank you...


  I would rather I look at the crowd at the bus stop everyday, wondering if I will ever bump into you. I would rather hope silently and let the flame slowly die out...

  Looking back....honestly speaking, I don't regret the choice I made. Even though it didn't end out well- but not all stories are meant to have a happy ending. Sometimes, these are only lessons, chapter in a book that slowly lead to the ending...

  Ok. We are similar in many way. Yet very different...

Its time to let go.....

Past catching up with present

I keep thinking...I don't know what to do.. ><

  Now I can only wait to see how time and everything will go. But still....tell me.
  Don't leave my heart dangling on a thread...

  I don't like the way I am now. This girl who lets her emotions comes before logic. This girl who can't predict what will happen next or walk step by step. Its scary to see how I lose control. No safety net below. Just free fall. I become like those fools in drama, eagerly clinging along with you, taking in any scraps of affections. What the heck???

 This isn't me! Where is that barrier that I set up? What about all those lessons that I learnt from those people who are like you? This is nuts! I don't want to be a fool. I don't want to get hurt. I want to be stronger. I want to be capable! I want to be a person that you can at least look up at with at least some admiration or respect. Not this. This...this.....stupid fool that blush or can't even look you in the eye...clings to you like glue.... SERIOUSLY??? I find it so PATHETIC....I find myself pathetic...

  So please.
A year ago. I thought you made your choice.

Now you are like restarting and reopening new wounds. Memories that I locked and hidden away, thrown the key. But still...it come back like everything only happen yesterday.

 See? This is what you make me-*Waves at this blog*
 I become this irrational melodrama queen that post this kind of sickening blog post. See what you turn me to?

  Look. I take everything seriously and I want commitment. If you want a fling in a name of fun? Look somewhere else. I am not that kind of girl.

  *Reread what non-sense I have written and seriously feel like drop-dead already(not literally..but you know...)

  People should really be like traffic lights....red to kick people out. Green for company. Orange for fun. It would be SOOOOOOO much easier.... Can I be red? (somehow my green colour is lighting up instead) I don't care. The light is broken. ;p

  Urg!!!!! Thrash, burnt and tear this post apart.... *haiz.....too tired to fight.


*Stupid....hurry drop me a signal and MAKE UP YOUR MIND.....thks....
 

A few mins before school

Ok...Eat breakfast now. With the hardest bao skin I ever eaten! Feel like throwing the food back in their face! It cost $1.30 some more!Stupid shop, cheat my money!

Actually the school is kinda quiet now.
Everyone is on a holiday except for us of course. =_=...To those people who say not having exams is easier makes me want to kick them. At least you can get things over and done with!

Look you all are having holidays now while we are still drowning in work and misery here...
Actually I

A mins later....

Hi, am back. Totally hooked on this book. "Who is afraid of Mr Wolfe?"
It is a humorous and fun book to read. Like most books.

The female character get dumps by her boyfriends when she falls for her rival....Ya...typical.

Point is some books last long enough to the marriage part, however what happen after that?
Its amazing for me to see guys worshipping you one moment, sucking off all the life and energy that you have. Then they can sweep themselves out of your life like they never been in there, just perhaps leaving a hole in your heart where they used to fill it.