Fears

Okay. Here goes.

I have enough of everything. First is all the paperwork for all of my life.

It requires SO MUCH things. I am not joking. Just preparation alone took me a few months and guess what? Still not done, still not submitted.
As if that is not enough, there are a lot of other paper work to rub it in myself with the same deadline. =_= Best thing is, too many accounts, too many passwords to remember. And its not the simple "forgot your password?"-Send-email-to-reset-password-kind. Must be the go-all-the-way-down-to-the-place-to-reset-password-kind. Thank you for adding on to my misery. :)

Next thing is my parents. I have no idea why are they helping me do free advertisement about my tiresome paperwork. Its SUPER DUPER ANNOYING to answer all my relative's question- the same ones over and over and over and over and over again! >(( Like what the heck does it even have to do with you? I should have kept my damn mouth shut. Its stress enough to be dealing with all this paperwork alone with no one to help, I don't need any extra reminders, thank you.

I am drowning with uncertainty and doubt right now. I know its too late to be thinking this way especially after i fought a tooth and nail for it. What else can I say. I am scared. But I can't tell anyone because they heard this nonsense before and nothing anyone can say will ease the fears away. I keep hypnotising myself with all the reasons I convinced other people, but they sound so swallow and weak to my ears now. I can't stand my pathetic self right now. There is no one to rely on. I need to toughen up and be independent. Because even if I cry for help, no one even knows how to help me. If I fall now, all that I fight so hard for, will go to waste. I need to be strong now and not waver.

I keep feeling like I am running of time for everything. Its like there is so much things to do but not enough tine. When will I ever stop feeling like this. I am tired. There are so many times I want to take the easy way out, but I come so far, it will be so wasted. All the paperwork, time, stress, money and worry. I can do this. I just to keep believing in it.