Never grow up

My heart is breaking... this place is so full of hurt and pain. Scars and wounds covering me all over my body. Feels like my eyes are blinded, unable to see the light. I am in this deep rabbit hole, unable to crawl out, the surface is too high up for me to reach. Climbing up, falling down, this repeating cycle cause me to feel so beaten down and tired.... I wonder the light is so binding? Why is it that even though its out of my reach. but still I want to reach out to it?

I need to sleep....to drift away from here..to go find me in my dreams.

Holiday List

  Drink Stars bucks coffee and just relax

Eat  takopachi  and Umi Sushi

   Find myself

Play with paint 

       Paint my nails   

Spend time with

 my friends

Lie on bed and do nothing

not even thinking

Missing you

"Reasons to smile"

list

"A peek in me"

essay

Filling up my sketchbook

Stocking up my books

Doing watever I feel like doing

Loving myself

As a child

De world sooo PreTTy

    Me wan ride on purple dolphin 

                   BLow mani mani BuBBlYs

in de pink Sea...

     Me FLYYY~ to sky

lisen de StArs sin La-Le-By 

             DReaM on cot-ton cloud CanDIe...

                Then hang on Moony

DANcing roun PaNetsz

                   zeeing many pipur there...

  

Goin baCk Earthy 

                            Smeell nice grazz

  pLay with birDe an cate

                               Me sLeepYing...

         Gd nItezzzz...

                      Goin too God's arm now...

Missing you

It sucks missing a person

it sucks 

ALOT

I can't help feeling sad 

I can't help feeling pathetic

I can't help feeling lonely

Everywhere I go,

I keep finding your shadow

Every free moment I have,

I find myself thinking of you

I think I lost a part of me

it went off somewhere

along with my memories

I keep replaying 

a thousand times

of the memories 

that we have shared

maybe I wished too hard

so my wishing star dropped

maybe I loved too much

so I end up hurting myself

How?

it hurt so bad

it hurt so hard

that I just want to cut and break myself

So?

The past would never return

people forget

and only I am left here

with all the forgotten memories

I feel like I am trapped

in an frozen hourglass

with time slowly spilling over me

slowly suffocating beyond help

Loneliness is my only friend

and companion now

All alone....here

it is very very cold....

Tap Tap....

I stood transfixed

before this huge wall

fixed to the ground

feeling so helpless

feeling so choked up inside

standing there

I don't know what to do

I am scared

how?

Tears streaming down

I stared at the wall

How?

no matter 

how much I hit it

or how much I cried for help

the wall wouldn't break

and my cries echo loudly back to me

I feel so helpless

Kneeling there

tears dried up

Lifelessly, I stared at it

Bus Ride

A rainy day

heavy wind

scattered rain

gloomy faces passing by

Freezing air-con blowing

tired faces everywhere

dozing off gently

to the rocking of the bus

Earphone music

like a lullaby

cutting off reality from glass world

Where dreams began

Alighting and departing

fresh faces

constantly rushing 

here and there

Strangers

each in their own world

how cold is that

unseen distance separating everyone

Spattered raindrops

running down the glass

warm breath

froggy mist

how cold is that?

Destination insight

I descend

with a smile on my face

Bro, Don't tell me anymore.

Hey, life is tough, dude.

  
   Everyone know that.
  
      But showing attitude doesn't help anything.
 
            If I could tell you something,

                 I would say, "Grow up!"
  
                      No one is your maid or your babysitter.

                          If folding blankets and clothes are tough

                              Pur-lease, there are tougher things out there

                                  you are not the only person with pride

                                        please learn to use your brains before you use your fist

                                             cause when will you learn that it will get you nothing but trouble?

                                                 Yes, I know that parents can be unfair and unreasonable

                                                     but treating anger with hatred

                                                         in what way does it help expect in turning you into one of them?

                                                             You think yourself great, among and above others

                                                                 one day, its that thinking that would get you killed.

         Stop telling me you will change

   Stop telling me later

 Stop. Just stop it.

I am sick of your reasons.

I am sick of your excuses.

                                                                        When you change, people will notice

    

                                                                              you don't have to say...

                                                                                  I know you are trying 

                                                                                    and its hard as they keep beating you down

                                                                                          doesn't mean you should stop or give up

                                                                                              because this is your life and not theirs

                                                                                                   they can say crap to hurt you

                                                                                                       but its only crap when you let it hurt u

                                                                                                          Stay strong. 

                                                                                                             "Bend but don't break"

                                                                                                                Be like the water...

                                                                                                                  creating new paths when block

                                                                                                                      take care of yourself

                                                                                                                         no one will be by u forever                                                                                                                                                                              

Little acts of Kindness

I lost my phone today

panicked till I cried

Having kind classmates

who lend me their phones and pray for me

So scared of my parents' reaction

as it is a birthday present from them

thus I didn't dare to tell them

and I didn't want to return home

But my close friend

give me support and courage

to pull myself together 

to face the consequences

Kindness 

in this small little acts

may mean little from the giver

but to the given, it means a lot

Such small acts of kindness

but such great amount of joy 

kindness being pass on

from the given to become the giver

Then this world would be a so much more better place

more smiles and joy will be brought to peoples' faces

more warmth were be spread around

that would certainly be a dream come true

* When a kindness is given to you, repay it by passing it on because you never know when it might come back to you when you need it the most. ^^ Little acts of kindness but with such great joy. So carry it out okay? Because that person needs your help, and you have the power to help the person. 

Slience

I look at you

you look at me

we are both sitting there 

not talking

I see myself in you

but in your eyes

I am anything but me

I am all your weakness

I am all your fear

I am all you disgrace

I am everything that you do not want

You treat me as if I am invisible

like as if I am not there at all

now..

no words or action can fill the silence that stretch between us

You often look at me

with those disappointed eye

like as if I never put in any effort

or so awfully imperfect

You me

sitting there

looking at each other

not talking

Snow

The snow is piling higher and higher...there is no end to it. I am the only living person in this huge wide white patch of land for miles and miles away. The crisp white snowflakes like blessings of the heaven gently fall to the ground. Their purity slowly dyeing the earth white. I look around, wondering if there is any soul in sight.. But I guess not.
Lying there in the snow....lets disappear off the face of this earth for a while....Let the snow cover me and take me away. Far far away.... and leave someone to find my foot steps. I wonder...will anyone miss me?