Please, stop twisting my heart like that

Being around you

makes me so nervous and listless

I can't help blushing

and my heart can't stop beating like crazy

I think at this rate

I might die of an attack

being with you

makes me feel very vulnerable

like as if you can see me very clearly

my thoughts and my action

always leaving me so breathless without words

and so worked up over your words

Like the wind

you come and go

sometimes, I wonder if you care 

other times, I feel so safe with you

my feelings for you

I wonder if you will ever know

a meeting of two people 

with similar interest

yet not the same

Is this what you call 

Fate or Love?

or

Fate and Love?

Breakaway

I hate being tied down. I hate being forced. I like to be free. Strong and free.unyearning and just going where I want. Throwing away every single responsibility and every single worry to the wind. To be unemotionally attached to everything and be true to myself. Any place under the sky would be my home.

Dancing under the sun's warmth, 

the grass plain would be my platform, 

the flowers,trees, and clouds would be my audience.  

The birds and crickets would be the music

while I would danced with the wind

soaring high 

with my dress trailing behind me

Leaving behind everything behind would definitely be harder than said. But I need to Breakaway.. I need to be on my own. I need to remember and find out who I am. I wouldn't forget the people who were a part of my life, but I need to make a start for myself. By finding missing pieces of me that I have lost during these busy years full of struggles. I need to Find back myself. 

Silent Prayer

Let me believe

    Let me hope

       Let me have something to live for

         Let me know that one day, Definitely, it will happen.

     Because 

I need something to live for

I need something to bring me through the day

  Let me believe

that there is still hope for this

Let me believe 

that there is still hope for me 

Let me remember

even should my world fall to pieces

there are still people to care

Let me remember

that love have the greatest power of all

Let me remember

that I always have it in me

the power to be the person I want

the power to change my future

always...

"everything is possible as long as I believe in it"

Thank you

Breaking beyond the point of no return

all the hurt

all the pain

how much more do I have to bear?

How much easier 

life would be without Love

others wouldn't hurt you

and you wouldn't hurt others

All these hurt

trapping me

pieces of mirror

stabbing into my heart

I can't bear it anymore

the hurt

the pain

keep piling 

keep building up

When will it end?

can you tell me?

You who is blinded by your own pain

vent it out on others

fail to realise others are hurting too

believing that you are the only one

only one who scarifice so much

 think that everyone is out there to hurt you

You 

you cared for other's welfare

so much 

that you forgotten yourself

feeling that no one appreciated you

thus you are always out there

expressing your pain and sorrow

trying to pull us into guilt and sorrow

along with your words

slowly...you changed.

From smiles

to frowns

From laughter

to anger

Everyone was an eyesore to you

you are the only perfect person

the only flawless person

Always beating people down

Always trying so hard

to make them

to make me

feel worthless

I don't know what to do anymore

my words can't reach you anymore

you wouldn't listen anymore

you are not the same person anymore

So blinded with your own pain

you end up hurting us

you end up hurting me

Most of all, you end up hurting yourself

Now?

Me

I am lost.

Never grow up

My heart is breaking... this place is so full of hurt and pain. Scars and wounds covering me all over my body. Feels like my eyes are blinded, unable to see the light. I am in this deep rabbit hole, unable to crawl out, the surface is too high up for me to reach. Climbing up, falling down, this repeating cycle cause me to feel so beaten down and tired.... I wonder the light is so binding? Why is it that even though its out of my reach. but still I want to reach out to it?

I need to sleep....to drift away from here..to go find me in my dreams.

Holiday List

  Drink Stars bucks coffee and just relax

Eat  takopachi  and Umi Sushi

   Find myself

Play with paint 

       Paint my nails   

Spend time with

 my friends

Lie on bed and do nothing

not even thinking

Missing you

"Reasons to smile"

list

"A peek in me"

essay

Filling up my sketchbook

Stocking up my books

Doing watever I feel like doing

Loving myself

As a child

De world sooo PreTTy

    Me wan ride on purple dolphin 

                   BLow mani mani BuBBlYs

in de pink Sea...

     Me FLYYY~ to sky

lisen de StArs sin La-Le-By 

             DReaM on cot-ton cloud CanDIe...

                Then hang on Moony

DANcing roun PaNetsz

                   zeeing many pipur there...

  

Goin baCk Earthy 

                            Smeell nice grazz

  pLay with birDe an cate

                               Me sLeepYing...

         Gd nItezzzz...

                      Goin too God's arm now...

Missing you

It sucks missing a person

it sucks 

ALOT

I can't help feeling sad 

I can't help feeling pathetic

I can't help feeling lonely

Everywhere I go,

I keep finding your shadow

Every free moment I have,

I find myself thinking of you

I think I lost a part of me

it went off somewhere

along with my memories

I keep replaying 

a thousand times

of the memories 

that we have shared

maybe I wished too hard

so my wishing star dropped

maybe I loved too much

so I end up hurting myself

How?

it hurt so bad

it hurt so hard

that I just want to cut and break myself

So?

The past would never return

people forget

and only I am left here

with all the forgotten memories

I feel like I am trapped

in an frozen hourglass

with time slowly spilling over me

slowly suffocating beyond help

Loneliness is my only friend

and companion now

All alone....here

it is very very cold....

Tap Tap....

I stood transfixed

before this huge wall

fixed to the ground

feeling so helpless

feeling so choked up inside

standing there

I don't know what to do

I am scared

how?

Tears streaming down

I stared at the wall

How?

no matter 

how much I hit it

or how much I cried for help

the wall wouldn't break

and my cries echo loudly back to me

I feel so helpless

Kneeling there

tears dried up

Lifelessly, I stared at it

Bus Ride

A rainy day

heavy wind

scattered rain

gloomy faces passing by

Freezing air-con blowing

tired faces everywhere

dozing off gently

to the rocking of the bus

Earphone music

like a lullaby

cutting off reality from glass world

Where dreams began

Alighting and departing

fresh faces

constantly rushing 

here and there

Strangers

each in their own world

how cold is that

unseen distance separating everyone

Spattered raindrops

running down the glass

warm breath

froggy mist

how cold is that?

Destination insight

I descend

with a smile on my face