27th, 28th and Today

Today is somehow the loneliest day.

   The irony.... I am with so many people. But somehow, my heart felt so funny. Something is missing.

Today was the Marcellie Competition. It was really good. However, I realised I was lacking people. People who had been there for me. My family. My friends. People who understand me and help me. It feels sad.

  Watching the model on runway, the feeling was gone. Maybe because the effect isn't as nice as sitting directly in front of them. Or maybe we saw it before.  But it just feels lacking. I was proud of my red dress. It was really nice till the model complained about the zip.....

The pink dress leaves much to be desired. But I really didn't know what to do with the peplum. Xian. Teacher also came along.

Tired....nights.

This girl sitting atop of a crescent moon looking down on earth, 

wondering if anyone notice her 

Dearly wanting to descend down to Earth,

but knowing that she don't belong there..

how sad..

Exhausted...

Haven't written for damn long. Still stressed up and tired from joining the competition. I finished my work from draping class but still got competition. Both skirt far from completion.

 Red dress- Skirt done but need to alter the length of the chiffon. Top part still need to attached both side and neck line plus zip

Pink Dress- Need to sew peplum and zip....

The competition is nxt wk Fri..and I have no sewing machine....=_+
Sigh.

To the people who had been there for me
when I feel like giving up
when I feel like its a lost cause
when I am feeling down
when I was so overwhelmed with stress

Thank you for all your cheers
Thank you for being there for me
Thank for bring light into my darkness
^^ I feel really blessed to have you guys

Broken Kaleidoscope

   I marvel at my ability to be able to pretend that everything is normal after how badly each trauma hit me.

   It was as it I am looking through someone else's world instead....I feel so numb.. like a soul was to escape a broken shell. But I can't cause I am trapped...

  I used to be able to look through a Kaleidoscope and see all the wonderful patterns and colours dazzling. It was so beautiful, touching a deep corner of my heart.

  But slowly....the colours start to fade. A glass filled with myriad of colours dull like how the time rusted and stop. Everything stop then. At that point of time, was when the full blown of reality hit me. Ugly cracks start appearing, growing wider and wider. Then "Pang""Ping", shattered glass rained all over me.

"Slicing off my wings,

 piercing through my heart, 

snarling into my leg, 

pinning my hands, 

cutting off my vision"

I can't see anymore. nor can I fly. Slowly healing...taking off the shards of glass struck in me. It hurts. The glass is so painful! Can you make it stop? Every step is an agony. Every sound made is a misery. Crying silent blood from my eyes. Recover but never completely heal. 

Even when I try to piece it back....the Kaleidoscope lost its magic already. That very same day that happiness ran away from me. My broken wings and wounded heart was too heavy that I left it behind. 

I left the kaleidoscope locked deep in my heart. It was too painful to look at, seeing what you have lost and being so hard to get back.. 

Like the Kaleidoscope, I left behind a part of me that day. 

Glass wall

Its not that I can't feel. Many people mistaken my aloofness for being cold and heartless.

But even I dun want to admit to myself thats actually, its the opposite.
I feel too much.
Thats why I am scared. These feelings, all these emotions, I can't handle them. They are too strong.
So I choose to runaway from them instead.

I chose loneliness for my companion instead. Its just too hard. Feelings would be my downfall. So I need to be aloof. To pretend. To protect....

Sounds cowardly. "To love like there is no tomorrow?" Sure I already spared that to those who I deemed worthy and who I know, would never do anything to hurt me or break my heart. :)