Your Words

Your Words are like poison, spitting onto me.
Every time the goldfish mouth of yours opens and closes,
nothing good ever comes out of it.

You enjoy watching me cry,
You love stepping onto me
then tear me in pieces.

First, you swallow me,
then you spit me out.
You would prefer eating rubbish,
rather than me.

To your eyes, I am a bother.
It was better for you if I wasn't born.
Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.

Everything I do is always wrong,
whatever you say is always right.
You are flawless,
while I am forever imperfect.

It hurts me so bad,
but you can't see,
you couldn't even care less.

Words were just words to you,
but you couldn't see the wounds you were causing.
Scaring me over again and again,
I don't know when can I ever heal.

To you, I am worthless.
To you, I am a waste of space and time.
I try really hard , really really hard,
but it is never good enough for you.

I don't know what to do anymore,
can you teach me?
It is very painful.

I don't know how to tell you,
you don't even want to listen.
You can't understand.

I miss the times when we were still a happy family,
but that was years ago, and time can't be turned back.
I am just going to forever stay as a failure to your eyes.

All I have to say is now,
I am tired of trying to wait for you to notice me.
I am tired of trying to make some sense go into you.
I am tired of wanting to make you acknowledge me.

I am tired of trying to make you SEE.
I am tired of trying to make you understand.
I am tired of your disappointed face, your ever present frown
I am just so so so tired of wanting you to love me-the correct way.

I am sick of it.
I realise since nothing is ever going to work.
Then its time to stop trying to be everything you want me to be.
Because I am who I am, not who you want me to be.

I will forever hate you as much as I love you.
             But it is time to let go,
I need to stop letting you hurt me however you like.
Because I need love that you can never give.

I need time,
to heal,
to learn how to forgive myself,
to lean how to love myself,
and most of all, to let go and totally give up on you. (Sad Smile)