Surreal Day

Went out with my friends like a normal school day. Eat pizza and went high.
  To me, my friends are my drugs. (In a good way) With them, I go high and happy but without these "drugs", I feel all tired and emo like having withdrawal symptoms.
Good times are hard to come by and short too but even if it just lasted for that one minute. I feel damn lucky to have it. Because having very little good things in your life forces you to learn to cherish and look at all the good things in life instead. And I think having awesome friends are one of them. Even if our relationship wouldn't be that close anyway but it was a great moment. A really wonderful moment to have. This is sort of a way of thinking of a cancer person. (Hahaha) Cause I read up a book about it, about how this woman felt that every moment not being spent with her loved ones was a waste. Not telling them how much she love them would be a regret. Her life was so vibrant and colourful. It was so nice.

Sword or shield

Its sufforcating and I can't breathe. Very tired already but I still have to keep going. Knowing that I might break or lose myself very badly again, but because it is a chance without a certain outcome. Thats why I keep taking it, despite falling and hurting so bad over and over again all alone because I want to keep beliveing. Beliving that I am not that useless, that actully I can do it, that I really give my hardest and try my very best.
I am useless, I know that. But I want to keep trying!Iwant to prove that I really really did try my best.I am a coward, I am not strong. I may be just a weak little girl who can't give a penny to save her own life but I still want to keeep doing, I want to keep trying. Even at the verge og destroying myself. I still want to do something to prove that"hey I can".
But to be at constant war with my ownself.It is really tiring. Sword or shield.I want shield but I have no choice, I need to use sword. In this world, there are choices but sometimes situation push you to a corner. There is always another way, you know it. But you can't see it. With your eyes blindfolded, all alone. In this dark journey, trying to pick yourself after every hard fall. When you managed to find the light, something always get in your way, throwing you roughly back to square one. It is a harsh life and pain is a very strict teacher. But can't give up. Actually its more of wouldn't give up. Once you lose faith, you lose everything. I am a stubborn person, I will grab whatever chance I have because there is still HOPE.
My hands are soiled. My visions are dirty. I am disgusting beyond any words and tainted beyond any help. I do wish I was dead but I want to live even more. Dying would be easier, life wouldn't be tough anymore but what the point? Life is too precious to be wasted. I only got this one life, I have to make the best out of it. Because I know I can do it, its just that I still can't grasp my true pontential. I got to keep trying. Its lonely, its painful but I know that that light is there. It is somewhere out there. I willl manage to find it one day. One day. I will.Find it.

Under the Same Sky

In this hundred thousand and tens of thousand of buildings that we live under the same sky, I wonder which one are you living in right now?

Out of a crowd filled with millions and billions of people, I wonder if you will be able to spot me out of all of them?

So many cars and vehicles on the road, could you possibly be in one of them?

So many places under the same sky, could we have crossed            
each other without knowing?

I know you are busy everyday but could you just spend one day Busy thinking about me like I do?

Many places underneath the same sky, could there be a chance that you and I both went there but at different times?

 Why is it that even though we live at the Same continent, Same country and around SAME area , yet I still didn't even manage to catch a glimpse of  you like as if we live diff countries?                                            

   

Don't you hear me screaming, calling, crying out your name many times under the same sky or so do you?

Do you make that same wish under the same and every night sky like I do, just to let me see your face, touch you and feel you?

I

Well, I am warning you that if there is a plane or a bus that comes to my house, you better be on it because I need you now before I go crazy.

With your fastest speed, in skates, in your shoes or car, just COME, because I need you! And I need you fast.

I MISS YOU!!!DAMN IT!Just COME! This pain hurts like crap and there is no cure for you other than YOU! So you better take the responsibility of me, if not...I will never forgive You!

Missing you like crazy. My thoughts are all of you. Its driving me nuts. How? You poisoned me with love and now I can't breathe without you in my life. So hurry come! I need you more than anything!

I am sorry, but I have to go

Have it ever ocurred to you that I can feel pain too? I am not a doll without feeling, I am just like you too. So how is it that you can treat me however that you want to? I am NOT a doll. I can FEEL pain. And it hurts like crap, but I bet you didn't think of that. Do you know?That I am trapped by the thorns you bound me... I want to be free..of it all. Because you are hurting me and yet you can't see. I can't stay by your side anymore because the twisted love you shower me, I can't bear anymore. So I will leave from your side, don't trouble me anymore. The tears may run, my heart may crack. But to save whatever that is left of me, I have to leave your side. All you know is your pain, you never thought of me the same. I am NOT a doll, I am just like you, I CAN feel pain. So can't you see it too? That you are hurting me with your so-called love. I wouldn't regret the choice that I am making now, because you hurt me once too far many times so all I could give is my goodbyes. You can go lead your own Misery life...But I not gonna be like you too because I have a life that I wanna lead too. So goodbye, forever more, no turning back anymore. So goodbye, I am going to stand alone. Even if I were fall and break, I will never regret the choice I made, because in leaving you...I Finally learn to love myself.