Battle Field

What was once considered a safe shelter 

now reduced to a battle field. 

A hunger for power and control

A fight of survival for the weak

Stay strong or Die,

the only rule in this madness

Lashing tongues like whips

against feeble walls of hearts

Cruel sharp eyes

against eyes desperate not to cry

In this crazy mess

the constant need to find ourselves

to differentiate right or wrong

to know what is bad or good

its a total chaotic confusion 

is this battle between us beyond help?

Sometimes there is peace

but it never last

sometimes its just a front

so that you can pull me deeper into the depths of darkness

In this constant struggle

you seem to disappear more and more each day

Always trying to destroy our only hope

trying to crush and break us beyond repair

but never letting us die

this slow and cruel torture

a revolting cycle that never stops

and seem to never end

Tears and blood strewed everywhere

is this fight necessary?

Must we keep hurting each other?

Must we be beyond help before this madness can be stop?

I don't want to fight.

I hate it.

But blinded by your misery and fury

you can't seem to let go....

Blindfolded..

Did I do something wrong?

Was I a bad girl again?

Is that why are you leaving too?

I thought that you are different.

That you are not one of them.

But it seems that I might be wrong.

I really try my best.

Trying my best not to spoil our relationship

Trying my best to be a good girl 

so that we could still be friends.

But I guess I messed up again.

I shouldn't have,

of all people,

To fall for you.

Its my fault again.

I am sorry.

I don't expect or want the same from you.

All I want is just to be friends.

But this is punishment for me, I guess.

I really didn't want to...

but somehow it happen.

From your stories and wisdom,

to empty silence and shadows.

From your kindness and joy,

now nothing but sadness.

Looks like I broke it again.

the heart I was hugging so tightly to my chest

while walking on a tightrope

Looks like I took too much of a risk

that lead us to the path we are now

I should have known better

Despite the way we are now,

I am still hoping that there is still a chance.

A chance for us...

to remain Friends.

I am still gasping on to that flicker of hope everyday.

Quotes

"Miracles happen everyday, even the fact that you are still living and breathing is a miracle"

             "There is a reason why you are born and you are born to find the reason then fulfill it"

    "Magic happens everywhere, it only matters if you were there to catch it"

                                    "If you can talk, sing. If you can walk, dance."

                                                       "Love all you can because its all you got"

                           "One who loses a friend, loses much. But one who loses hope, loses all"

         "If my friend were to jump off the bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I will stand below the bridge to catch them when they fall."

These are quotes that I pick up from everywhere. To inspire me and strengthen me when things get down. :D

                           

Crush

I think I am going Crazy. either that or falling in love. 

    I try my best not to. But since when do I have a choice?

        The worst part? I spend the holiday trying to let memories of us being together fade away

                Instead? It keeps replaying so clearly in my mind, the talk, the laughter, the joy

    Its funny as I watch the memories play as I watch the scene again but my heart aches. Because, this is not suppose to happen. And I don't know what to do.

            I keep wondering if you could possibly have feelings for me too? Do you get breathless when I look at you too? 

    I have to get real. I need to. Because I end up needing you more than you need me.
    It seems my sanity is hanging at a balance.... 

     

10 reasons not to fall in love

Today I read a book named “10 reasons not to fall in Love”.

From the title, it sounds like a funny quirky where this guy would try to prove the girl wrong and make her fall in love with him.

But it is more than that.

It is about a Mother (Jo Gilroy) single-handedly raise up her son (Alfie,2 years-old) as the father walk out of their life when Alfie was only one. She is a strong woman trying to become the best mother to her boy because her mum was too stern on her. To her mother, she was an utter disgrace and a failure.

Then this guy, Dan Brady came along to romance her.

It is his story that makes me feel so attached to this book.

His father is a drunkard and often beat up his mum.

Nobody can truly understand what it feels like. 

To watch two parents fight.

The funny-bad feeling in your stomach.

The want yet utter helplessness to want to stop it.

Asking how did it end up like this and blaming yourself.

Wanting someone to whisk you away so badly from all this.

The you that is crying so bad inside and breaking apart within

yet 

still trying so hard to face everyone like everything is alright and okay

All you wanted was love

however

All everyone know is to look at you and pity you. 

Go read the book. It is really awesome and very nice. Never tell someone you understand what their situation is like unless you have never been in it before. Because you can never truly know how it feels like unless you are one of them...

Web of pain

Broken promises

entangling hurtful thorns 

all blinding us

in this web of pain

Tears of crimson blood

flowing from a heart 

made of shattered glass

Ears that are defective

yet mouth that work in full condition

directing hatred, anger and abuse

towards us

The real you 

dying more and more each day

as you hurt me

as you hurt him

as you hurt yourself

Like a cactus 

full of thorns

showing all your scars and pain

jealous of other people 

happier than you

What are you trying to achieve?

establishing that only you are in pain?

expecting people to treat you like queen?

wanting to turn us into you?

What do you want?

I bet you don't even know

often asking the impossible

often thinking only about you and your pain

often only thinking that you are perfect

Blind to the hurt you are causing

Blind to the pain you are inflicting

Blind to the things people do for you

Blind to the people around you

So beaten down

by loneliness, pain and misery

that you lost yourself

 to the problems 

What happened to you now,I wonder? The one who is crying so loudly from your heart.

Eyes close

I like you a lot.

But I can’t tell you,

When I see you,

I can’t help wanting to kiss you.

When I miss you,

I can’t help wishing you would suddenly appear

And whisk me away to a world of our own

When I am with you,

I just want to snuggle up to you

And breathe in deeply your scent.

But in reality……

I shall close my eyes,

and make time stop for a while.

I need to free myself from these chains

that are bound to my heart

and make my life each day

a brand new start

open out more to this whole new world

fill with so much possibilities and adventure

Life is not just about being struck rotting at home

or just problems and worries

It about the way you live

              the way you see

              the way you learn

~Live like its your last, never stop loving, never stop having fun while learning :)

Holding you close to my heart

When I see you, these feelings just can't stop rushing out. All I want to do is look deep into your eyes and tell you those words that mean so much to me.

However when some things become so precious to you

all the more would you hold it closer to your heart

like a fragile egg

that needs a lot of care

You don't want to destroy it.

You don't want to lose it.

You just want to keep it close to your heart

Forever.....

So don't ask me why I am crying. Because all I want to do is to look at you. Because meeting you have been one of the happiest moments of my life but bittersweet at the same time. 

Lost

Crap this. Crap.I just wrote a long post, to have it deleted. What the crap?!!!! Gosh. I hate this. Stupid thing.

Her

                A raindrop

                                                                                                      A tear

                      A broken heart

                                                                                                                             A lifeless body

                                                           no heartbeat

   

                                                                                             Cold hands

                                   emptiness 

Silence

                   

                                                                                                                                                regret

                                                                                           bounds

                                                                                                        torn wings

                                  Blood 

     Pain 

                                                                                       misery

    

Snow flakes

The snow is cold

gloved hand

thick layer clothes

 but can never be replace by

human warmth

The distance

the cold

the silence

make everything seem 

so empty and hollow

Letters full of words

but 

why does it make one feel more lonely than ever

spattered teardrops 

decorating it

White flakes

sent from heaven

I wonder how are you doing now?

but these thoughts and feelings 

can never reached from here..

if only I can dissolved like the snow

or disappear with the wind

maybe then

I can also be by your side

constantly around you

The snow melting to my warm breath..