Harsh Truths

I want to believe that this world is not bad
that this world is not cold
that even though I may be full of wounds and scars today
I can still believe that tomorrow will be a better day

I want to believe that you can change
I want to believe that you still can love
But its so hard
Trapped within your own thorns and old scars

You blindly hurt everyone around you
Breaking and cursing at all the hearts around you
I want to run far away
Back to the point of time when I was free

Free from you and your abuses
I am tired
My tears are enough to fill a sea
yet you still wouldn't be able to see
the hidden pain you caused

Reality can get so cold and cruel at times
Its so hard to try to get up every single time
Falling hurts beyond imagination
Every rejection stabs deeply

Sometimes, I just want to fade into nothing
So that I don't have to face you anymore
So that I don't have to face such a day anymore
So that I don't have to hurt like this anymore

Everything irritates me now

I hate today.

I am so sick of trying so hard, nothing comes out of it.

Nobody appreciates the amount of effort anyone puts in

My parents just assumes I slack the whole day

I keep trying and redoing but nothing comes out right

TODAY SUCKS!

Almost could see the end then I was sent tumbling back down to the start

Lost in my concept

Haven't start on my research

Still need to worry about about other modules and work

Need to sketch some more.

@$%&%$@

All I want want is some peace and quiet, thanks for ruining it.

I am seriously starting to hate the everything now.

Hate you, today.

Back to work

Temptation

Temptation is a sweet honey trap

slowly luring you in

Despite knowing the consequences

Despite knowing the outcome is fruitless

But you slowly get enslaved inside

As you are being slowly seduce

by the time you wake up

you are drowning

Regret, sadness, panic

all this feeling collide at one

resulting in grasping for survival

why do I always fall for it

knowing what pains it may me

Why do I always know that its fruitless

yet still try to hold on to that thread of hope

hoping for a miracle to happen

Am I too naive and foolish?

or perhaps just to weak willed?

maybe I haven't fall hard enough

cause I keep thinking about turning back time

its too late now

for regrets

  

Too much wounds and scars

We are on different frequency

I feel like we are 2 pieces of magnet

forever repelling each other

I don't understand why you always have to talk in a way

that make me sound stupid and you are more superior

I don't understand why we can't have a conversation 

without you ending up rising your voice

and make it sound like the world is going to end

Why is it that everything has to always be about you?

Why do you think that you are the only one 

who would get tired, who would hurt?

You are so full of bitterness

That you end up poisoning everyone around you

Don't you realise you are pushing everyone away?

I don't expect you to support

but can you at least not push me

 further down this H*** hole I am already in?!!

What in the world is WRONG with you?

Why is it other people are forever full of flaws?

Why can't you see yours?

I hate you so much

It is hurting me

You can't see

I don't bother talking

This is going nowhere

I miss my life of independence

it may not be as comfortable or good

but I don't have to withstand verbal abuses everyday

I don't get pulled down by you and your hateful words

Out there, there are actually people who believe in me

who encourage me

who understand me

I don't expect you to understand me

I don't expect you to be loving and caring

But realise you are hurting everyone you love

Too much scars and wounds

will cause people to leave you

I at least hope that our relationship wouldn't be so bad

but I want to leave you

At this rate,

 I will just be dragged back to those dark days again.  

I don't want to ever go back anymore

The countryside house

Bye bye

Going to miss you.
The trees, the fields, the fresh air
the smile, the laughter, the friendliness

The bumpy ride out
The frog in the toilet bowl
The spiders everywhere
Lizards all about

Hand washing all the clothes
Drying in the sun
Early morning rays
calling us up

Million tiny stars
Soft moonbeams
Lighting our way home

The bonds of friendship

I want you to know

even if you leave

I will never forget you

because you have left an imprint in my heart

Even if in the coming future

we don't talk to each other anymore

I will still stalk you on Facebook

to check up on how you are doing

That even if you are miles away

Over the ocean and across the land

As long as you are happy and alive

under this beautiful blue sky

Know that I will be happy too

I know that everyone will sad to part words

but understand that the bonds of friendship

can't be broken that easily

Even if I can't be there

Even if there comes a day,

you forget my face

I will still forever miss you

Everything is in the hands of fate

and a bond that is managed by two

Both effort have to be made 

to maintain this burning flame

to keep it from dying out

But remember that everything 

goes through a passage of time

Everything fades

and turns into wonderful memories

Memories that made you who you are

Memories that brought you to today

As long as I have left footprints in your heart

that is more than enough

Definitely, even for me

It is tough to say goodbye

but you can't embrace your future

if you forever stay in the past

People come, People go

Every beginning is a new chapter in your life

For all of us,

It just the beginning

Just remember,

I will always be here

whenever you need me

Don't forget

All these beautiful memories

that we shared

though short but sweet

will stay in our hearts. 

Words that I will never say....

You were lost 

and you needed me

but I know not where you are 

Know that for you, 

no matter the fear and danger

I would still go and save you

Down the memory lane,

I could once again see your sweet smile

and bask in your joy and innocent

However, all too fast,

you run away,

Out of my sight

You disappeared

I was so scared

Where are you?

In search of you

All I had, was a head full of thoughts

and a heart full of you

Knowing that you are crying somewhere

all alone and scared

in need of me

Despite my fears and insecurities

Despite the fact I am just an ordinary girl

I would still fight against the whole world

If I have to

Just for you

Because you are precious

Too important to me

Someone I don't want to ever live without

Just thinking about it

I can't breathe

It was such a nightmare

when I realised you disappear

somewhere I don't know

Somewhere out of my reach

that I immediately woke up from this nightmare 

because I don't want to ever have to experience this feeling

ever again

A pain so unreal

yet makes you feel like your heart got ripped apart

and you can only scream and cry inside

Please....

I begging you

Don't leave 

Don't go

I need you so much

These words that I can never say...

Faraway Dream

Hours slipping by

Time ticking by

Minutes running out

Work piling up 

So much research to do

Never ending workload

A reality so much like a dream

but even dreams have an end

An end that is drawing near

Blue sky, so wide and free

Greenery and mountains everywhere

Night sky, full of stars

A life that I secretly wish for

yet the road is still long

thus it can only stay as a faraway dream

Update

Hi pips,

I am doing fine. So good that I don't want to back. Over here is so relaxing and the kids are so cute! They keep bugging us to play with them. Its a bit sad to realise that I only left 3 weeks and 3 days. I am a bit sad to part with my independent life too. I guess I like being independent but it must also be because the environment is good. Its so relaxing here! 

My eyes actually got tired at staring at the computer for less that 15 mins! I guess the thing I love the most here is the HUGE HUGE SKY that ends on so faraway that it touches the mountain on the other side. I really love this scenery but I only get to see it when I go back to my hometown. I am going to lie down on the grass one evening and just spend all of the time to look at the sky.

Those hours, minutes and seconds that were so precious, I don't dare to waste while I am working, I am going to spend all those time looking at the SKY. ^^ Heck to the busy life style, if you must know, I honestly HATE you. I am going to cherish all the time I have here because the moment I go back, I need to start on this huge project alr. Back to the long, tedious, stressful zombie life style. Hate you to the core.

Actually I kind of finish all my assignments for internship yesterday already, so kind of clueless what to do now. The manager want us to teach design, =_=.....we have Language barrier. Anyways we got 2 weeks of holiday!!! :D Cause its a impt holiday in this country here so the sewing ladies are going back for 2 weeks. That means we can do whatever we want for the 2 weeks. :) Just that we have to cook for ourselves the 2 weeks also. Hopefully it goes well. I mean I love cooking for myself but ya....

Going to enjoy the rest of the time here~ till then~ Bye

Internship

Hi ppl, 

I know its been a supppperrrrrrrrrrrrr long time since I last posted some thing. So now I shall post about my internship, to make it up, I will post a really long one.

I am currently on an overseas internship. Honestly when we were arriving here, there were a lot of freaking problems. I forgot to check in my scissors... honestly....=_=.....it was a mess. 

When we reached our destination, the heat is KILLING me. I was wearing long sleeve and sweating like crazy. I went on this trip with my 2 other classmates. It was a morning flight, so we were a bit tired but the lady-in-charge immediately brought us to the fabric market. It was quite interesting, the layout was no different from our country's fabric market. However fabric market are still forever like a maze, then we had burger and fries. This country only have KFC. Good. I am sick of fast food from my school. Its crazy, its like every 2 weeks, there would at least be 2 fast food dinners. SO SICK of them.

Then we were brought to our lodging. On the way, I was actually regretting my decision when I saw how ULU the country side place actually was. I thought if we were going to stay in those kind of wooden plank houses in this heat, I will go crazy.

TO my relief, it was a house. With a fridge, tap water and shower. We are sleeping in a long room with 2 bunk beds at each side. It was quite good room with plenty of room in the center. The best part, AIR-CON, in the room. I was expecting fans and a well. Cause the lady told me they only have well water. =_=...seriously, scare me for nothing.

Then we went to meet the sewing ladies. They are really nice and friendly. There are 6 of them, so we let them pick which of us they want to work with. Each of us have 2 sewing ladies, I have 3 because another lady joined. We try to know each other better by exchanging names and age. But the language barrier.....yeah....its a really big problem.

The first part of this week was used in sewing up of our first two designs. I had difficulty trying to communicate to them, even though there was the illustration and paper pattern they could refer to. It was still hard. Especially when you need to teach them how to sew certain parts, luckily there is also a very skilled sewing teacher to help us.

We made friends with the local staff, PC and she brought us to look around the area. It was interesting and fun because the children also tag along with us.  We saw the pig farm, and plantations and fish pond. The scenery around this area is awesome, the sky is so big here. It was so peaceful and you feel like one with the nature here. Technology, phones, ear phones and computer, seems so far away here. There are also so many stars here at night, the moon light is so bright here too.

The second part of the week was spent on grading and tracing patterns for the different sizes for our designed garments. Time pass so slow here, I almost feel like we been living in that little house all our life. I realised that living together, can either break or bring relationships closer. I am on good terms with KL and L, and I guess, for me, they are moving beyond the classmate zone. They seem to do the same for me too. They start calling me their "friend" now instead of their classmate. I don't trust people easily but for now, they are in my "classmate-going-on-to-friend zone". The people who I call my friends are those whom I really trust. So to the privileged few who know of this blog and know where in the world I am right now, yes you! You all are my treasured friends in my <3 . I know you all know it too. :) ;) Sorry, I didn't update, the wifi here is super lousy. 

I can only be online from morning till 6pm. The wifi is unstable. 

Since the day I came here, I guess its been 2 weeks and 3 days. From our house to the city, it takes around 2 hours. We seem to be going out almost every week since we need to get fabric to sew up our garments. The 1st week was very stressful, we were working even on our off day. I guess, its because we were still getting used to the environment. 2nd week, I decided a schedule for myself because I stressed out myself too much by trying to catch up to my classmates' pace. 

We had a rather good weekend for the 2nd week since KL' father came to visit her so he also brought us along. We started off by going for shooting. The gun noises were so loud so we had to wear ear muffs. The rest tried out a rifle, I was scared so I only try out a hand gun. The hand gun was rather heavy and it didn't hit anything, guess the targets were too far away. It still feels scary holding a weapon that can kill. I realise then, that when you want to take a person's life, it either you are too caught up with all the bad emotions or when you are ready to carry a weight on your shoulders. I think I can understand a bit how hard it is to do that. By taking a life, somehow your conscience will be there resounding with you too. 

  Then we went to visit a museum, there were a lot of stone statutes, we also saw skeletons, jewels and broken accessories. I was a bit freaked by the skeletons in the burial grounds. The designs of everything were so intricate and interesting. 

   We also went to visit the palace, the place was huge. The decorations of the buildings and designs of the garden are so intricate as well. We saw a lot of golden carving and paintings. But I thought it was rather boring. There isn't much to admire about except for the items owned by the royal family.

Then we went to another market to buy some shirts before heading back to the house. Our house is quite freaky at night. Over here, it get dark really fast and by the time we finished dinner. We wouldn't be able to see our house unless we switched on the front door night. The irritating thing is the crazy amount of insects that greet us every time we come back from dinner. =_= In the house too, there are a few in the toilet, its damn ANNOYING. 

At night, the bugs and lizards are loud that they wake up as I am a very light sleeper. I can't sleep properly even now. :( Hopefully it will get better. The house is also scary cause its like a stand alone house away from other buildings. Haiz....oh wells. Thats it for now.

The wifi sucks. I am waiting for it to work now so that I can post it for you guys. But the stupid wifi is like that, its not even 6 and its already like shut off. *Angry.....still waiting for it to WORK....

PS: Hope you all are safe and sound. :) Please take care.