Better than a Doll

You learned the hard way to shut your mouth and smile.

If these walls could talk, they would have so much to tell.

There's only HATE, There's only TEARS, There's only PAIN, THERE IS NO LOVE HERE. So what will you do?

I think I am rather good with my acting skills.

Or more like blending skills. Being part of the scenery or becoming a wall. Maybe the most accurate description would be a lifeless doll.

Ending of last year till now is getting worse and worse by the minute, ever since she got promoted. The moment she comes home, everyone is on egg shells. Nothing is right. The rules of the game changes all the time, its crazy. She would go all her way just to find trouble for you, literally running her finger at every spot, asking you why is there still a speck of dust here. 

Scolding and yelling the moment she lay her eyes on us, saying that the sight of both of us are detestable and irritating. Interesting. This becoming like a plot in the storybook, except the funny thing is that it is happening to me. :) I don't know what to feel. I was so good at pretending that I can't feel anything, maybe I have been too good. I really can't feel anything now. Like a doll. 

We have become a pest in her eyes now, she keep going on and on about why did she even give birth. She regretted about giving birth because it only brought her pain and trouble. I don't know, do I have a face? How come I can stay so expressionless being told that by the person who give birth to me. Why didn't I scream and yelled "I didn't ASK FOR ANY OF THIS CRAP!! For goodness sake! Stop blaming in on me!" No. I couldn't do anything. 

Cause even if she regretted it. I didn't. I am happy to be born here, even if I meant nothing to her. I am happy to be here. Sorry. I can't die just because she regretted it. I wanted to in the past but too bad, now I got many reasons to live for. Life wasn't just limited to this house like the past, I got friends now. I got my classmates and still get a brother that I want to protect. So I am sorry. I wouldn't just end my life just because you regret. Its too late.

Sometimes, I really wished I was stronger. That I wasn't such a whim. Sometimes, I wished I could be like my other friends. They really love their parents a lot and they are also having problems like me but they seem so such stronger and a so much better person than me. Their heart may be badly hurt and bleeding but its still filled with so much love. Mine? Hahaha....:) You wouldn't want to know. 

I really have become such a disgusting, ugly and twisted person inside. 

There is only LIES, there is only FEAR,there's only PAIN, there's NO LOVE HERE. So what would you do?  

-"No Love" by Simple Plan