Update

Hi pips,

I am doing fine. So good that I don't want to back. Over here is so relaxing and the kids are so cute! They keep bugging us to play with them. Its a bit sad to realise that I only left 3 weeks and 3 days. I am a bit sad to part with my independent life too. I guess I like being independent but it must also be because the environment is good. Its so relaxing here! 

My eyes actually got tired at staring at the computer for less that 15 mins! I guess the thing I love the most here is the HUGE HUGE SKY that ends on so faraway that it touches the mountain on the other side. I really love this scenery but I only get to see it when I go back to my hometown. I am going to lie down on the grass one evening and just spend all of the time to look at the sky.

Those hours, minutes and seconds that were so precious, I don't dare to waste while I am working, I am going to spend all those time looking at the SKY. ^^ Heck to the busy life style, if you must know, I honestly HATE you. I am going to cherish all the time I have here because the moment I go back, I need to start on this huge project alr. Back to the long, tedious, stressful zombie life style. Hate you to the core.

Actually I kind of finish all my assignments for internship yesterday already, so kind of clueless what to do now. The manager want us to teach design, =_=.....we have Language barrier. Anyways we got 2 weeks of holiday!!! :D Cause its a impt holiday in this country here so the sewing ladies are going back for 2 weeks. That means we can do whatever we want for the 2 weeks. :) Just that we have to cook for ourselves the 2 weeks also. Hopefully it goes well. I mean I love cooking for myself but ya....

Going to enjoy the rest of the time here~ till then~ Bye

Internship

Hi ppl, 

I know its been a supppperrrrrrrrrrrrr long time since I last posted some thing. So now I shall post about my internship, to make it up, I will post a really long one.

I am currently on an overseas internship. Honestly when we were arriving here, there were a lot of freaking problems. I forgot to check in my scissors... honestly....=_=.....it was a mess. 

When we reached our destination, the heat is KILLING me. I was wearing long sleeve and sweating like crazy. I went on this trip with my 2 other classmates. It was a morning flight, so we were a bit tired but the lady-in-charge immediately brought us to the fabric market. It was quite interesting, the layout was no different from our country's fabric market. However fabric market are still forever like a maze, then we had burger and fries. This country only have KFC. Good. I am sick of fast food from my school. Its crazy, its like every 2 weeks, there would at least be 2 fast food dinners. SO SICK of them.

Then we were brought to our lodging. On the way, I was actually regretting my decision when I saw how ULU the country side place actually was. I thought if we were going to stay in those kind of wooden plank houses in this heat, I will go crazy.

TO my relief, it was a house. With a fridge, tap water and shower. We are sleeping in a long room with 2 bunk beds at each side. It was quite good room with plenty of room in the center. The best part, AIR-CON, in the room. I was expecting fans and a well. Cause the lady told me they only have well water. =_=...seriously, scare me for nothing.

Then we went to meet the sewing ladies. They are really nice and friendly. There are 6 of them, so we let them pick which of us they want to work with. Each of us have 2 sewing ladies, I have 3 because another lady joined. We try to know each other better by exchanging names and age. But the language barrier.....yeah....its a really big problem.

The first part of this week was used in sewing up of our first two designs. I had difficulty trying to communicate to them, even though there was the illustration and paper pattern they could refer to. It was still hard. Especially when you need to teach them how to sew certain parts, luckily there is also a very skilled sewing teacher to help us.

We made friends with the local staff, PC and she brought us to look around the area. It was interesting and fun because the children also tag along with us.  We saw the pig farm, and plantations and fish pond. The scenery around this area is awesome, the sky is so big here. It was so peaceful and you feel like one with the nature here. Technology, phones, ear phones and computer, seems so far away here. There are also so many stars here at night, the moon light is so bright here too.

The second part of the week was spent on grading and tracing patterns for the different sizes for our designed garments. Time pass so slow here, I almost feel like we been living in that little house all our life. I realised that living together, can either break or bring relationships closer. I am on good terms with KL and L, and I guess, for me, they are moving beyond the classmate zone. They seem to do the same for me too. They start calling me their "friend" now instead of their classmate. I don't trust people easily but for now, they are in my "classmate-going-on-to-friend zone". The people who I call my friends are those whom I really trust. So to the privileged few who know of this blog and know where in the world I am right now, yes you! You all are my treasured friends in my <3 . I know you all know it too. :) ;) Sorry, I didn't update, the wifi here is super lousy. 

I can only be online from morning till 6pm. The wifi is unstable. 

Since the day I came here, I guess its been 2 weeks and 3 days. From our house to the city, it takes around 2 hours. We seem to be going out almost every week since we need to get fabric to sew up our garments. The 1st week was very stressful, we were working even on our off day. I guess, its because we were still getting used to the environment. 2nd week, I decided a schedule for myself because I stressed out myself too much by trying to catch up to my classmates' pace. 

We had a rather good weekend for the 2nd week since KL' father came to visit her so he also brought us along. We started off by going for shooting. The gun noises were so loud so we had to wear ear muffs. The rest tried out a rifle, I was scared so I only try out a hand gun. The hand gun was rather heavy and it didn't hit anything, guess the targets were too far away. It still feels scary holding a weapon that can kill. I realise then, that when you want to take a person's life, it either you are too caught up with all the bad emotions or when you are ready to carry a weight on your shoulders. I think I can understand a bit how hard it is to do that. By taking a life, somehow your conscience will be there resounding with you too. 

  Then we went to visit a museum, there were a lot of stone statutes, we also saw skeletons, jewels and broken accessories. I was a bit freaked by the skeletons in the burial grounds. The designs of everything were so intricate and interesting. 

   We also went to visit the palace, the place was huge. The decorations of the buildings and designs of the garden are so intricate as well. We saw a lot of golden carving and paintings. But I thought it was rather boring. There isn't much to admire about except for the items owned by the royal family.

Then we went to another market to buy some shirts before heading back to the house. Our house is quite freaky at night. Over here, it get dark really fast and by the time we finished dinner. We wouldn't be able to see our house unless we switched on the front door night. The irritating thing is the crazy amount of insects that greet us every time we come back from dinner. =_= In the house too, there are a few in the toilet, its damn ANNOYING. 

At night, the bugs and lizards are loud that they wake up as I am a very light sleeper. I can't sleep properly even now. :( Hopefully it will get better. The house is also scary cause its like a stand alone house away from other buildings. Haiz....oh wells. Thats it for now.

The wifi sucks. I am waiting for it to work now so that I can post it for you guys. But the stupid wifi is like that, its not even 6 and its already like shut off. *Angry.....still waiting for it to WORK....

PS: Hope you all are safe and sound. :) Please take care.  

Lunch, one of those days..

Well, everyday is a day. Some really boring. Some really unique.

I guess it is one of those rare unique where I actually got enough courage to invite my lecturer for lunch. I wanted to for a while and I finally manage to. :) Hahaha. At least I wouldn't regret now.

So its been fun. We went to another school because I wanted to eat the chilled bean curd again. Its really awesome. I like to eat all around the school except for my own one, obviously. Its so boring.

I was scared that it might become really awkward but it turn out really fun. (Maybe cause I was too embarrased so I cause quite an entertainment? =_=|||)

So for her, it was the first time we were actually on time. Hahaha.. I mean its lunch, not submission. So ya. I was nervous...but I dun think its just me. Haha. All of us actually. Its my first time inviting a lecturer, I don't even know why I got that idea from. I think since the time she treat me breakfast. Ya, I really got shocked. Hahaha.

So we just talk a lot of random things because we don't really know each other well after all and we are trying to get to know each other more? Maybe I wouldn't be so scared of her after this? That was the ironic part. She thinks she isn't scary anymore. Honestly, even though she claim she is 10% of how scary she was last time, it is still enough to intimidate us. More than enough for me at least. 

It is always refreshing to get to know someone. I read somewhere that "women are like onions, you have to peel them layer by layer." Its true, at least for me. Speaking of which, I never thought that she would reveal such personal stuff. I wasn't going ask any really personal questions, I hate it when people do that to me. my personal stuff is like a chest with lock that is zipped away in a suitcase and I hid the key away. I throw the suitcase into the deep sea and shut the cellar door TIGHT.

But it is obviously not hidden or enclosed well enough. Bad thoughts always have a way of sinking their claws into me. I really really really really HATE and DETEST them. But I can't get rid of them. They are the ugly side of me. A me that makes me whole. Okay. enough. this isn't about me.

Back to Lunch.

It was so funny, we purposely pick a school canteen so that she cannot treat us. But I was so WRONG.  We reached the canteen while having a nice flow of conversation till she suddenly say, "Okay, this is lunch so its my treat". And she took $20 out of her wallet and tried to shove it into my hands. I ran. Yes, RAN. The best part, she ran after me with the money, in her heels some more. O_O....I ran and hide behind a pillar.

So she chase after my class mate and succeeded in stuffing the money in her hands. Which began round 2, my classmate chasing after me and stuffing it in my hands. =_=.....And she succeeded. Best part, I wanted to vomit and I was going to eat lunch. I didn't use the money, I return it along with the change, lucky thing she didn't get angry.

There was this awkward silence till she make my classmate ask her questions. It was rather funny. So we just ask questions like what is the meaning of her name and all weird stuff. Basically, I was trying to avoid anything that have to do with class, school and Cambodia. But it always link back. The atmosphere would become very serious and depressing.

Until the bean curd. Seriously....the bean curd. =_=....a bean curd that got me into a lot of trouble... So my classmates ditched me with her to buy bean curd. She was like:" Don't worry, I wouldn't eat you, you don't have to be so frightened of me." She IS very very very scary, maybe in a different way from my mum. But just as bad.

But all in all, she is better. She wouldn't purposely try to hurt me and she apologises. Adult who apologises is one that I admired a lot. So they came back with the beancurd all too soon. So She ask me why I don't want to eat my bean curd. I got certain ways in eating certain stuff. Like bread, burger and other thingS. They are weird and some are really unpleasant. But I like eating it like that instead of the normal boring ways. :P

So she got curious but I wasn't going to say. Hello. Why would I wanna ruin my good image?? so that was when it started going out of control....I wouldn't tell so she pressurised my classmate and say that she can threaten people better than me. =_=...Obviously I was going to stop my classmate from telling. Yup, so a scene from a drama nicely built up there, to the point where I even try to forcefully drag my classmate away from her. My other classmate just sit there very happily watching the show. The heck?! Seriously?!!!

It was so embarrassing. =_= but it ended sadly....with the topic of the Cambodia thing again. Xian.
Oh wells, till next time. :) hopefully, we can have lunch with her again. :)

Sick

Less than 4 days left, people....

And, I am sick. =_=""
Seriously...But its not really my fault.All the late night stays due to rushing of assignments.
Can't lecturers understand and sympathies with us rather than just expecting? The freak. Seriously.

I find it so hard to even breathe. People just effortlessly pile their expectations on me, its tiring.

I wonder what it would be like there.
Would I miss this place?
Would I miss my family?
Would I regret the decision I make?

Oh wells, I am just in a neutral mood now. Lets start letter writing. :)

Waling dead

I want to close my eyes.
Pretend that I am anywhere else but here..
I am trying to reach somewhere
to touch the sky

But the journey is so tough.
The sky is so high up
I feel like I am treading a path of thorns
feet bleeding and all worn out

Yet I feel I am neither her nor there
its like the ground open up and swallow me
into the ever ending darkness
sinking deeper and deeper

Can't breathe
Can't cry
Can't scream for help
Don't know who to call out to

My shell of a body feels so exhausted
too tired to continue moving
My soul, nothing but drained spirit
This must be how its like to be a walking dead

Is this what life boils down to?
Its sad. What and where is the future we are working so hard for?
I can't see tomorrow. I can't see the light.
All I know is, I am tired.

I don't want to walk on already.
This isn't what I want.
This isn't how life is suppose to be.
I am just going to leave it all behind in a dream

Internship

Gulp....3 months.

I will be going to Cambodia for 3 months. Its not official or confirmed yet, but honestly speaking, despite being scared and all, I still want to go. ><

Even though I am going with another 2 classmates into another strange and unfamiliar place, but I still want to try. I want to check how independent I really can be and how I can survived there without my family.

At the same time, I can experience what my dad feel while working overseas for so many years. 3 months will definitely be nothing compared to the years he went through but at least I could have a glimpse of it.

In another few weeks, I will be flying off. :P The days kinda fly by. Well, just trying to finish off these 2 heavy modules. I got a lot of other things to do though but I am too hooked on the computer to do it.

3 months. What do you pack and how much?

Instant noodles? But I prefer the cooking kind.
Confirm taking my "pillow" and blanket there.
Clothes.....how much do you pack? 7 set?
ermmmmm....what else?
My sketchbook and stationery.
Lets see...medication. :/
Laptop? Still considering...
I don't know what else.
ps: Can i smuggle my friends along? XD 

Its super weird! I forward pack too much things in my school bag, end up it is so heavy! =_=... But if I travel to other country for a week or 2, one bag is sufficient for my things. I always take bare necessities....hmmm....wish me best of luck! :D ^^

Back to studies

I guess I am tired. Of the daily routine that never seem to end.

You either get bored to tears, lying on the bed stoning.
Or you stayed up the whole night rushing work, cursing and swearing.

Constantly pushing yourself to beyond maximum,
trying to be better, trying to aim somewhere,
which is like dunno where.
Beyond average, I guess

Okay.....Whacked up system here!
Work becoming more important than health.
People keep telling nonsense like,
"you just need to manage your time properly"

@@##$^&^^^*)%_$2$@$
Would be so kind to tell me how is that possible?
If only 1 person out of 72 in class can do it,
shouldn't that people start thinking if this system is actually suitable?!

Don't just say pretty words like confirm can.
Confirm can? CAN! You do 1st, then show me :)
Stupid adults.

True. I am complaining. Yes, I admit I sound childish, no life and watever. To those who have negative comments, WATEVER, I wasn't born to please you. >:P
I guess I am fed up. Not just me. I know a lot of people out there are fed up too. Ask me what is the craziest thing I have done so far? Nothing. I don't know anything beyond working hard for whatever my future plan is. My life is limited behing this 4 walls to this screen in front me.

.............................................................................Whatever..........Back to studying..............................

Being weight conscious

Okay, I hate the extra fats that are building up at my stomach and upper legs.

It disgusting. I keep telling myself to exercise which I am obviously not doing.
But I am definitely not the kind of girl who skip meals just cause I am getting fat. I feel that 3 meals are super important! Especially breakfast and lunch. Lucky thing, I took this food and nutrition class and understand the importance of dieting. (FYI, going on a "diet" does not mean cutting down on your meals. Diet means a balanced and nutritious meal.)

I love eating. So I am not going to do stupid stuff like eat less cause you might lose weigh but you will gain back twice the amount. And whats the point if it is going to make me tired and think about food all day? Slimming pills and medicine are......not my cup of tea. I have this medical condition which requires me to take quite a bit of medication in all kinds of form whenever I am sick. So naturally, I hate pills and all those stuff. They usually make me feel sicker that I already am.

Your 3 meals are important, don't bother cheating. Your body is smarter than you think. But everybody's body is different, some eat 3 meals a day like me, while others eat divide it into 6 meals a day as they have small appetite. Some people have high metabolism, those are the people who no matter how much they eat still stay the same.

So what may work for you might not be the same for others as everybody is different.

I do cut down on food but in a good way. Like anything other than my 3 meals are unnecessary like tea-break,snacking and supper.
I usually eat the most for lunch to get me going through the day. :) Breakfast is a must for me as I can't really function or think on an empty stomach. Having gastric or stomach ache is the last thing you need on an early morning to work or school

Tips

1. Eat protein-rich food for breakfast. 2 eggs are usually the recommended breakfast in keeping you full and energized for the day. Milk and cheese are good too. Oats may be healthy but not that effective
2. Eat fruits before a meal. It is nutritious and helps you not to eat too much for a meal.
3. Use a smaller plate when you are eating outside, as you will be tempted to fill up the whole plate
4. Eat more home-cooked food. That way you can cut down the seasoning and use a healthier cooking method.
5. Cut down on eating out with people. You tend to eat more in a crowd
6. Best way is still excising 3 times a day for half an hour. (I am trying to skip 200 times a day)

Yup, best way is still excising. So cut down computer time and go grab a friend or your ipod and start moving. :) The best exercise is swimming though. best time to exercise is actually evening, but I love morning the most, they are my favourite part of the day. I can never stop admiring the views in the morning, they are the loveliest thing ever. :)

My goal is to cut down 6 kg. Actually more of the fats that are gathering at the lower part of my body. They are seriously an eyesore.....Urg.....good luck, me. I will start...soon. 

Wish list

The things that I want

• Sewing machine (Should I get one??)
• I want to go online shopping!!!! :D Just for the experience
• Go USS
• Go Venice again! ^^
• The mug with a spoon slotted in the handle
• The pastel yellow top? (I just want a garment that is pastel yellow)
• I want to have a picnic!!! :D (Little stick of hotdogs, sandwiches...etc)
• Go shopping and buy at least 5 garments?
• Play games with my friends just like back in sec school
• I want the "Twister" game! :) Good fun and exercise! ^^
• I want to do something that is crazy and daring! (So that my life don't look dull, maybe cliff diving, flying fox, sailing down the waterfall?)
• I wanna go night viewing of fireflies again (below expectations but no words can describe the night view)
• Camp out! (What an adventure! In the western countries)
• Fly (I never stop dreaming about it)
• Being the happiest person in the world :D or at least be happy :)

Enough is enough!

Stop it people. Stop making everything MY PROBLEM.

Stop stepping over me and treat me like crap
Stop putting me down and making me feel like I am less than nothing!
Stop blaming me for everything! Can you please look at yourself and see what is wrong with you rather than blame everything on me??
Stop taking advantage of me, expecting me to help you when you are in need then throw me away after you are done with me. What the heck do you take me for?
STOP. JUST STOP,ok?

I am SICK AND TIRED of all you people.
Is it so hard to ask you to treat me with the same respect you would treat your friends? Stop taking advantage of me! Just taking my stuff without asking or keep borrowing from me cause you know I will always have. What the @$%$#TRRT$@%%$?!!!!

You freaking lazy pigs. What the heck do you even come school for without a freaking pencil and rulers to draw? I am not a damn bookshop which conveniently allows you to loan things from. *Specially to those who just help themselves. You may think its no big deal but do you even know how many of you all keep borrowing from me???I brought NEW tapes for myself to use, and by the time every one of you borrow, I am left with very little. What the heck?!! Its like I am throwing money to you guys. Dudes. You pigs, don't be so lazy as to not even bring the needed stuff.

Please tell me what the freak is that extra spaces in your bag for which you only put in your wallet and phone? And HELLO, you are a human, so it a CLEAR fact you need to eat food and drink so bring your own dang BOTTLE. Don't give me crap like you only drink little because by the time you finish, I always need to go to the water cooler to refill again. The freak??? Ask you refill for me, say ok, end up never do anything. Whoa. So nice.

I should give all of you an A**. And freak?! Just cause you like to do last minute work and I like to be prepared does not mean I am very serious. I hate rushing work, I hate the feeling and pressure of not even knowing if I can even finish within that limited time. I don't care if you a freaking A* for it. Your style isn't my style, ok! Irresponsible people.

I am freaking sick and tired of you guys.

I am tired. I am tired of wondering who to trust. or guessing if you habour ill intentions to me. I am tired of all this guessing games and games....