Please, stop twisting my heart like that

Being around you

makes me so nervous and listless

I can't help blushing

and my heart can't stop beating like crazy

I think at this rate

I might die of an attack

being with you

makes me feel very vulnerable

like as if you can see me very clearly

my thoughts and my action

always leaving me so breathless without words

and so worked up over your words

Like the wind

you come and go

sometimes, I wonder if you care 

other times, I feel so safe with you

my feelings for you

I wonder if you will ever know

a meeting of two people 

with similar interest

yet not the same

Is this what you call 

Fate or Love?

or

Fate and Love?

Breakaway

I hate being tied down. I hate being forced. I like to be free. Strong and free.unyearning and just going where I want. Throwing away every single responsibility and every single worry to the wind. To be unemotionally attached to everything and be true to myself. Any place under the sky would be my home.

Dancing under the sun's warmth, 

the grass plain would be my platform, 

the flowers,trees, and clouds would be my audience.  

The birds and crickets would be the music

while I would danced with the wind

soaring high 

with my dress trailing behind me

Leaving behind everything behind would definitely be harder than said. But I need to Breakaway.. I need to be on my own. I need to remember and find out who I am. I wouldn't forget the people who were a part of my life, but I need to make a start for myself. By finding missing pieces of me that I have lost during these busy years full of struggles. I need to Find back myself. 

Silent Prayer

Let me believe

    Let me hope

       Let me have something to live for

         Let me know that one day, Definitely, it will happen.

     Because 

I need something to live for

I need something to bring me through the day

  Let me believe

that there is still hope for this

Let me believe 

that there is still hope for me 

Let me remember

even should my world fall to pieces

there are still people to care

Let me remember

that love have the greatest power of all

Let me remember

that I always have it in me

the power to be the person I want

the power to change my future

always...

"everything is possible as long as I believe in it"

Thank you

Breaking beyond the point of no return

all the hurt

all the pain

how much more do I have to bear?

How much easier 

life would be without Love

others wouldn't hurt you

and you wouldn't hurt others

All these hurt

trapping me

pieces of mirror

stabbing into my heart

I can't bear it anymore

the hurt

the pain

keep piling 

keep building up

When will it end?

can you tell me?

You who is blinded by your own pain

vent it out on others

fail to realise others are hurting too

believing that you are the only one

only one who scarifice so much

 think that everyone is out there to hurt you

You 

you cared for other's welfare

so much 

that you forgotten yourself

feeling that no one appreciated you

thus you are always out there

expressing your pain and sorrow

trying to pull us into guilt and sorrow

along with your words

slowly...you changed.

From smiles

to frowns

From laughter

to anger

Everyone was an eyesore to you

you are the only perfect person

the only flawless person

Always beating people down

Always trying so hard

to make them

to make me

feel worthless

I don't know what to do anymore

my words can't reach you anymore

you wouldn't listen anymore

you are not the same person anymore

So blinded with your own pain

you end up hurting us

you end up hurting me

Most of all, you end up hurting yourself

Now?

Me

I am lost.

Never grow up

My heart is breaking... this place is so full of hurt and pain. Scars and wounds covering me all over my body. Feels like my eyes are blinded, unable to see the light. I am in this deep rabbit hole, unable to crawl out, the surface is too high up for me to reach. Climbing up, falling down, this repeating cycle cause me to feel so beaten down and tired.... I wonder the light is so binding? Why is it that even though its out of my reach. but still I want to reach out to it?

I need to sleep....to drift away from here..to go find me in my dreams.

Holiday List

  Drink Stars bucks coffee and just relax

Eat  takopachi  and Umi Sushi

   Find myself

Play with paint 

       Paint my nails   

Spend time with

 my friends

Lie on bed and do nothing

not even thinking

Missing you

"Reasons to smile"

list

"A peek in me"

essay

Filling up my sketchbook

Stocking up my books

Doing watever I feel like doing

Loving myself

As a child

De world sooo PreTTy

    Me wan ride on purple dolphin 

                   BLow mani mani BuBBlYs

in de pink Sea...

     Me FLYYY~ to sky

lisen de StArs sin La-Le-By 

             DReaM on cot-ton cloud CanDIe...

                Then hang on Moony

DANcing roun PaNetsz

                   zeeing many pipur there...

  

Goin baCk Earthy 

                            Smeell nice grazz

  pLay with birDe an cate

                               Me sLeepYing...

         Gd nItezzzz...

                      Goin too God's arm now...

Missing you

It sucks missing a person

it sucks 

ALOT

I can't help feeling sad 

I can't help feeling pathetic

I can't help feeling lonely

Everywhere I go,

I keep finding your shadow

Every free moment I have,

I find myself thinking of you

I think I lost a part of me

it went off somewhere

along with my memories

I keep replaying 

a thousand times

of the memories 

that we have shared

maybe I wished too hard

so my wishing star dropped

maybe I loved too much

so I end up hurting myself

How?

it hurt so bad

it hurt so hard

that I just want to cut and break myself

So?

The past would never return

people forget

and only I am left here

with all the forgotten memories

I feel like I am trapped

in an frozen hourglass

with time slowly spilling over me

slowly suffocating beyond help

Loneliness is my only friend

and companion now

All alone....here

it is very very cold....

Tap Tap....

I stood transfixed

before this huge wall

fixed to the ground

feeling so helpless

feeling so choked up inside

standing there

I don't know what to do

I am scared

how?

Tears streaming down

I stared at the wall

How?

no matter 

how much I hit it

or how much I cried for help

the wall wouldn't break

and my cries echo loudly back to me

I feel so helpless

Kneeling there

tears dried up

Lifelessly, I stared at it

Bus Ride

A rainy day

heavy wind

scattered rain

gloomy faces passing by

Freezing air-con blowing

tired faces everywhere

dozing off gently

to the rocking of the bus

Earphone music

like a lullaby

cutting off reality from glass world

Where dreams began

Alighting and departing

fresh faces

constantly rushing 

here and there

Strangers

each in their own world

how cold is that

unseen distance separating everyone

Spattered raindrops

running down the glass

warm breath

froggy mist

how cold is that?

Destination insight

I descend

with a smile on my face

Bro, Don't tell me anymore.

Hey, life is tough, dude.

  
   Everyone know that.
  
      But showing attitude doesn't help anything.
 
            If I could tell you something,

                 I would say, "Grow up!"
  
                      No one is your maid or your babysitter.

                          If folding blankets and clothes are tough

                              Pur-lease, there are tougher things out there

                                  you are not the only person with pride

                                        please learn to use your brains before you use your fist

                                             cause when will you learn that it will get you nothing but trouble?

                                                 Yes, I know that parents can be unfair and unreasonable

                                                     but treating anger with hatred

                                                         in what way does it help expect in turning you into one of them?

                                                             You think yourself great, among and above others

                                                                 one day, its that thinking that would get you killed.

         Stop telling me you will change

   Stop telling me later

 Stop. Just stop it.

I am sick of your reasons.

I am sick of your excuses.

                                                                        When you change, people will notice

    

                                                                              you don't have to say...

                                                                                  I know you are trying 

                                                                                    and its hard as they keep beating you down

                                                                                          doesn't mean you should stop or give up

                                                                                              because this is your life and not theirs

                                                                                                   they can say crap to hurt you

                                                                                                       but its only crap when you let it hurt u

                                                                                                          Stay strong. 

                                                                                                             "Bend but don't break"

                                                                                                                Be like the water...

                                                                                                                  creating new paths when block

                                                                                                                      take care of yourself

                                                                                                                         no one will be by u forever                                                                                                                                                                              

Little acts of Kindness

I lost my phone today

panicked till I cried

Having kind classmates

who lend me their phones and pray for me

So scared of my parents' reaction

as it is a birthday present from them

thus I didn't dare to tell them

and I didn't want to return home

But my close friend

give me support and courage

to pull myself together 

to face the consequences

Kindness 

in this small little acts

may mean little from the giver

but to the given, it means a lot

Such small acts of kindness

but such great amount of joy 

kindness being pass on

from the given to become the giver

Then this world would be a so much more better place

more smiles and joy will be brought to peoples' faces

more warmth were be spread around

that would certainly be a dream come true

* When a kindness is given to you, repay it by passing it on because you never know when it might come back to you when you need it the most. ^^ Little acts of kindness but with such great joy. So carry it out okay? Because that person needs your help, and you have the power to help the person. 

Slience

I look at you

you look at me

we are both sitting there 

not talking

I see myself in you

but in your eyes

I am anything but me

I am all your weakness

I am all your fear

I am all you disgrace

I am everything that you do not want

You treat me as if I am invisible

like as if I am not there at all

now..

no words or action can fill the silence that stretch between us

You often look at me

with those disappointed eye

like as if I never put in any effort

or so awfully imperfect

You me

sitting there

looking at each other

not talking

Snow

The snow is piling higher and higher...there is no end to it. I am the only living person in this huge wide white patch of land for miles and miles away. The crisp white snowflakes like blessings of the heaven gently fall to the ground. Their purity slowly dyeing the earth white. I look around, wondering if there is any soul in sight.. But I guess not.
Lying there in the snow....lets disappear off the face of this earth for a while....Let the snow cover me and take me away. Far far away.... and leave someone to find my foot steps. I wonder...will anyone miss me?

My ART....

My Art
which only I know how to appreciate
which solely belongs to me
and only I know the secrets that lies within

My Art
has no define shape or form
it represents me
and its free

My Art
are like crystals hidden deep in caves
where only those who appreciate
would go and search for it

My Art
sometimes like the wind, free and flowing
sometimes like the storm, violent and angry
sometimes like the rain, sad and empty
but all of them are a part of me.

My Art
which only I truly know
which only I truly understand

Do you even understand? Can you accept? 

*Don't judge my art. Because its me. If you can't understand, leave it.

Be mine only...

I want you to be mine and mine alone.

I want to pluck your wings,

and lock you within my heart

so that you would only sing for me.

and me alone.

I want to be your everything,

I want to lock you away in a safe place

where there will only be the two of us.

So that all you can do is 

think of me, miss me and everything about me.

I want you to never leave my sight,

your smiles, your laughter, your everything

all will only seen by me 

and me alone.

I want you to be all mine

Being with you,

makes me so happy.

that I couldn't help feeling so anxious and scared

to lose you

that all I want is to keep you for myself

The need to always want you

can never go away

this selfish me

this unreasonable me

can you accept it?

Because being with you

makes me feel like I am holding sand

that keep slipping away

So I keep being so demanding,

because I want prove...

Prove that you care about me

Prove that you will always be there for me

Prove that you accept me even if I am like this

Prove that you want me too like the way I do...

I guess I am crazy

not in the right mind

because this is all about me

a twisted love

so turn away while you have the chance

or

you will be trapped here

forever....in my twisted love....

Remember When

Isn't it sad..... 
that you just can't stop this overflowing emotions that threaten to overspill you?
that you keep wasting your wish on a shooting star for someone who will never care?
that you keep waiting for someone to turn back and finally see?
that you try so hard to be perfect yet they can't see the effort you put in?
that you try so hard to make them proud of you but it seems that all you did was just to disappoint them even further?
that all you wanted was for someone to care but the world is just too busy?
that you keep hovering around the screen waiting for that person to come along?
that where ever you go, you just keep trying to spot for that shadow?
that you try so hard, so so so damn hard to be someone's something but all you are to them is nothing?
that what you want is what that you can never get?
that you keep living for everyone that you lost yourself and your way?
that you realise how valuable something when its too late?
that you really want to do your best, but the more you try to force yourself, the worse it got?
that you want to let everything out, but when the moment come, you just can't say anything?
that you only watch everything and everyone break around and you can't do anything? 
that it hurts so much inside, it threatens to tear you apart as well?
that you keep searching, keep looking for a light, something or anything but you just can't seem to find it?
that you keep grasping on so desperately to something, but it slips out of your grasp like sand in your fingers?
that you are losing your heart, your soul and everything, everyone around you?
Isn't it just so sad?

Loneliness...a deadly poison

I think my heart...just died of loneliness..

I feel small...I feel tiny..

it hurts so bad that I can't feel it anymore

that I am not there at all

it just died...just like that

I know that some things can't be helped

leaving me feeling nothing but emptiness

But pain and loneliness wouldn't leave me alone

Last time, I used to feel this way too

It hurts. A lot..

Like I am a little out or not right

I just want someone to care

but it seems that now,

but you all are just busy, I guess...

an invisible wall just separate me from everything

No time . This and That...

I like being myself

It maybe saddening but

I like that I am not lying to myself

don't tell me to fb u or sms u

not letting myself get caught up with my feelings

because what I want

that I change into someone else just to fit in with everyone

is to see you.
to talk to you.
to be able to feel you.

But still...I can't change the fact..
it gets lonely at times
it gets a bit saddening at times

You do care.

I know that.

but ,

I can't help wishing

for you to care even more

I just want to sleep on
pretend its all just a dream...
and run away from everything...

I am selfish...I know that.I don't want to be a burden but sometimes, I can't wishing to just disappear from this world for a little while..

All your Fault!!! So be prepared

I never thought I fall in love
It just came so suddenly.
This connection that I feel strongly coming out of heart,
I couldn't help blushing and feeling a little high

Everywhere I go,
I find myself looking for you
Every daydream I have,
I find myself dreaming for you

Every time the phone rings,
I keep hoping that its you.
I feel like going crazy
because I never felt so weird before..

Suddenly my heart is overbrimming with this overflowing hearts
And it feels weird..
Because I intend to close my heart
but something about your smile let you slipped past my guard

Now, I am head over heels with you
Seriously....I can't believe it...
I am a guarded up girl
who is different from the rest

I only want to be with
A person who accept me the way I am
Someone who knows and understand
Someone who care for me more than anything
Someone who loves me for me

So can you do that?
But now, I think I am already hopelessly in love with you
its all your fault
So you better be prepared to take full responsibility  :P

Human

Why do some people see other as Black people, White people, Coloured people on Earth? To me, there is only one type of people on earth. These people are called HUMAN.

Why do some people see others as homosexual, lesbians or gays on Earth? To me, they just fell in love with another person for who they are. So why prejudice them?


Why do some people see others for their weakness, flaws? To me, I am just being ME. What is wrong with being who I am?


People often tend to be scared of things they can't understand thus they would put others down in order to make themselves appear strong... Why can't they just accept things like that? Isn't the world tough enough without still having to face other peoples' view everyday? The world would be so much better if they could only understand....

* I will take this down if this is notified as banned or illegal or something. Because I know that what I am talking about very delicate issue. So pls tell me if I am not suppose to post this type of things. Thank you.

I want to FLY AWAY...
                To a place where no one knows me

                               I want to fly off to the moon

                          And be alone for a little while...

I want to cry out loud...

             At a place where no one knows me

                                                 So that no one would ever see the tears I cry

 mine and mine alone...

I want to be Alone for a little while..

           Hiding at a place where no one knows me

                                                     to remember all the memories of my life

and who I truly am....

I want to RUN FAR FAR AWAY....

                    just disappear for a while...

                                                    wondering if anybody miss me

or even knows if I am gone...

Struck at the moon looking at the earth...wondering how earth is like..