I can feel it so loudly.
Ba thump. Ba thump. Ba thump....
The pressure of my heart beating against my chest. That one small tiny difference, that separates me from dead people.
It is thumping so loudly. Beating so fast. Trying to keep me alive, to keep living.
I am so tired. My heart seems to strip away all my energy every time it pumps so hard to keep me alive.
What happen when I have asthma is that my arteries and blood vessel actually shirk so my heart have to contract and relax very hard to force the blood out and the blood in.
That’s what inhalers are for; they force the blood vessels to open so that it becomes easier to breathe. For a while, that is. However inhalers are very important, if there was a sudden asthma attack and you don’t have it. You can actually die.
I already feel so tired from typing a few sentences; everything takes up a lot of effort. Even breathing. Wonder how am I going to work later? At least I don’t have to do closing up.
One of the reasons why I hate being sick.
To know that I am only one fragile heartbeat away from death’s door. To know that even if I cried out for help, no one can hear me in this empty house. I hate sleeping the whole day; nightmares keep coming, haunting me non-stop. Coughing so badly as if my lungs will break into two.
Wonder if anyone will miss me when I am gone…
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