Yes, I am a cold person

Yes, I am a cold person

I threw my heart away

lost the lock and key

buried all those old memories

I don't want to be 

tied down by the past

I don't want to be 

bound by the pain and hurt

I just want to forget

I just want to run away

I just want to breathe

I just want to be me

Yes, I am cold person

I gone through so much 

give it my all

but everything just fell apart

I don't want to hurt anymore

thats why,

yes.

I am a cold person

Aching

To believe, its the hardest thing for me.
I don't have confidence.
I don't think I have any qualities that are good enough to be called good.
I am neither smart or pretty.
I am just me.

A plain old boring me.

But why is it,
I keep trying every time?

Even if I really really really want to give up,
there is always this part of me that hope.

Even if I lost faith in everything,
there is always this insignificant part of me that hope.

Hope that someone would come along
and prove me wrong.

Why is it that when you believe in something,
you can believe in it absolutely?

Like how happiness can never come without sacrifices or last....

I don't want to stop believing,
I don't want to stop hoping,
I don't want to stop wishing,
Because
Its the only thing that keeps me going.

Slamming down the phone

Honestly speaking, it was no excuse to slam down the phone.
Unless the person on the line was insulting you.

But she wasn't

I felt bad. I am super tired and the work keeps piling up. Some idiot treat me like a maid and left the dishes for me to wash.
I know I should be doing my work instead of blogging out but, I really need a dustbin to get rid of all these negative feelings.

I just feel so angry sometimes, that I always have to cook dinner. Its gets super annoying at times especially when you really just wanna take a nap. I act like a monster with lack of sleep. And I did, to a person who was trying to be kind about it. Sorry. Even though you have more responsibilities than I have and I am complaining like a 3-year old brat... ;<

Xian. I would never be able to tell you face to face because its you. To you, saying that would imply you got the upper hand and I would never let you know it. Sorry. ;< I will try to try my behavior but this condition is only subjected when you are nice to me. :P

Jia You, Me.....urg....

The wrong that remains wrong

I don't want to think about it.

I want to let it pass. 

I can't undo the past.

I can't undo what I have done wrong.

The only thing I can do,

is to accept this regret and move on.

As time passes, surely all the wounds will heal.

Then it wouldn't sting so much anymore.

First day of sch

I survived......in a dead tone +_+

Morning class and I only managed to sleep at 1am+ even though I was in bed at 11pm. Luckily my eyes weren't sore and bulging when I woke up because it was my body's fault, not mine.

Morning class was.......I reached school way too early. Designers are noted for their lateness and are forever arriving late. Ya, I couldn't get used to it and started panicking like mad when it was 8:46am.
Lucky thing I bumped into people I know, then we waited together. By the time it was way over 9am, and we decided to go general office to ask about the classroom. It looks like our classroom venue change since there is no way you can study on the floor or on top of toppled tables.

The teacher was in the general office and he informed us where the new classroom was. +-+ We went there but it was clear it belongs to another class instead. The teacher pointed us to another room, it was seriously starting to be an amazing race. First day of school is like newbies being in school for the first. We looked like nubes with the rest of scattered lost sheeps here and there. We went there to discover that we were locked out because that classroom isn't exactly ours. =_=....I wanted to strangle that teacher. Turns out he is NEW teacher.

Our elective class only had 10 people in which only 7 turned up. The class was dready and boring. It was a mixed physics and colour class. I was feeling very restless in my chair. The teacher cracks jokes that are really lame and one of it was a bit insulting. I wanted to throw my spectacles at him. At least we  ended early.

Afternoon class....honestly, I know I am super duper mean. The past would have been shocked at my behaviour but that me was too soft and a pushover.. I was glad that I didn't have her in my class. I know...maybe I am mad and guilty at myself for not being more generous? not being more forgiving? But I made my choices and I guess you can say.. I become meaner in the process. I am ashamed but I can't help admitting to being relief, it already hard working in an environment where you have to watch your every step without watching out for your ideas to be stole right under your nose.

Class started and we got into our groups. I really wanted to join another group because I need helpful people around me. I know I am slow in doing things and take a longer thing to understand something but I really keep trying. Its never been easy but I will never stop trying. Because that is the only way to getting better and I am definitely getting better.

I am in the same group with :>. I honestly like her yet fear her at the same time.
She is nice in a harsh way. She is trying to help me by being mean and rude to me. She doesn't like me being so nice since she finds it annoying. In a way like its a weakness that I will definitely can walk over by other people. I know it but what can I say? Its just me. :/
She is like perfect in everything, from drawing to clothes. Seriously, perfect people that only exist in manga books exist in the real world too. She makes me feel inferior. but I still like her because in a way, she cares? I prefer straightforward people anyway.

Another

Another day. Another time. Another.

I am tired. Seriously very tired. This is like drama. A very sad drama that might even end up in tragedy.
An ending where one of us might die, another one go crazy while this whole house fall apart.

I hate you so much that I feel like dying. My hate is eating me inside out. Since you hate me so much, how come you don't just stab me dead. Its much kinder that way. Though I most likely wouldn't just die like that. I hate you so much that I most likely wouldn't leave myself to just die like that. Too cheap for you.

Just let this whole house burn down. Just let all the ugly people inside rot to death. Just let this be another sad headlines on the news, another entertainment for the people out there.

Reading this... I can practically laugh at how calmly I can write this thing out. Its so sad. Dying souls calling out for a helping line that seem so faint.

I just want to use glass to pierce my skin. Watch the blood flow. To show you how much I am hurting.

If I am such an sore eye to you, then too bad. Let just continue on this crazy game. Lets see who turn mad first.

Timetable

I was expecting a crappy timetable because....I selected the subjects I want late...

So of course there is this first-come-first-serve rule.

Thus I was expecting leftover boring/tedious subjects that no one wants.

Guess what? I got into Japanese, it was meant to be so popular that its hard to get in. Or maybe people are bored of it? Some says it hard, others said its easy? Depends. I only know final assignment was acting out a scene in front of the whole class.

While the other subject was meant to be useful yet super tedious with all the structure thing.... Urg...I didn't want it.... But...oh wells. Its my first block some more! =_=...morning class. Makes my day.

The rest was quite ok. At least I didn't get too much of that teacher...I got a new one...Even though my first impression of him sucks but other people say he is rather good? 

For teachers, I normally prefer those who don't act as if they are way above and treat us lowly. I prefer more of friend-kind- of teacher? However, I think the best kind of teachers are those who are strict and expect good work from you. I believe that you can excel with this kind of teacher because you wouldn't dare to mess around. Even if you totally dislike but I wouldn't complain if I can get a good grade like A. But the only bad thing is they might put you down...if you aren't good enough. 

Oh wells. At least there is only one morning class and one night class. The only thing I dun like about night class is going home late. It freaks me out. 

All the best!!! Lets aim for B+ and As!

First taste of light

Okay. I kinda knew my grades came out a long time ago....
But I couldn't face it because I thought did quite badly especially in Fashion Retail (New team mates leading to weak group coordination and moral, everything was basically everywhere +_+)

and Apparel Manufacturing Process (My first D grade for one of my assignment, freakingly piss me out! We put in so much dang effort into the report and the teacher just mark us down despite me explaining to her our circumstances. HELLO?!! If there was another way, I would have DONE it. I am definitely aiming to pull up my grades! But it just so happen that the shop keeper doesn't want us messing with their clothes, okay? =_=... We put so MUCH effort and you just crush it like that. Do you wanna see what D work is??).....Urg....

However My grades IMPORVED!!!! ^^ \o/
Even if its just by a 0.16....I know its not much but it was definitely better than last year's 0.06 rise. :P
I will never forget the day I got my result for my first term....;( My dad was by my side and the words that he said really pierce my heart. He said "I am very disappointed in you." Honestly speaking, I never thought that there would be a day when I hear those words come out of his mouth. He is a happy-go-lucky person and cared about our happiness, well at least that was what I thought. This event and another event prove me so so Damn wrong...Adults really are the worst.

Turns out he thought I got 3+ over 10 =_=|||   I had to explain to him that the total was over 4, not 10. But that did make the wound sting any less, I was on the verge of breaking down back then. I tried so hard and it was so easy for another person to trample it just like that. It really hurts a lot.

Anyway, back to the main point.
I know that for my current grade, I have nothing to be proud as compared to what others have achieved. But :) I am still happy.
Initially, I looked at the wrong term grades and thought I deproved so bad that I nearly went crazy. Then I realised I got it wrongly =_=

PS: I am not showing off. I am just writing down how I feel. If you dun like it, dun read it. :P
I still got a C....for fashion retail(kind of expected it) but its a C+...I am working hard in getting rid of Cs in my grades. It stands out like a sore thumb. And I got 2 Aces!!! ^^ :) I was expecting an A from Figure Drawing =_=....but my final presentation must have pulled me down..Urg!!!
Unexpectedly, Veron give me an A for Apparel Production 2 (which is sewing lesson)...at first, she give me a rough grade of B..... But the belt curve must have pull me up. :) It really gives me the motivation to keep working harder. ^^

So happy that my efforts finally paid off. ^^ To you, 0.16 must be like "what the heck? Such a small leap and this girl act like what like that" But to me, every improvement is like a step nearer to my goal. It gives me hope. Hope that I can do better. Hope that I can reach my goal and stand out proud of my grades someday. :) Se Ying! Jia You! ^^

Now I know I can strive for further and better grade. Going to keep trying. I shall aim for only Bs and As. No Cs! More As and B+. Gotta keep trying. Haha... :)

Words

Its possible to feel two ends of the extreme for the same person.

Its scary how the more you feel for the person, the quicker, the feeling can twist and turn into.

I stop talking a long time ago. But you didn't notice.
You keep talking....think I was pulling a long face at you.
In truth, I couldn't be bothered by you anymore.

Every time you spit out those poisonous words that wrapped me tight and pierce through with its sharp claws. I feel as if this body doesn't belong to me. Like as if watching a play, I am just this voodoo doll for you to stab needles.

I guess I am tired. 

Its tiring trying to force my way through your twisted turning blocked and never ending garden. Slamming and banging my hands against your wall. End up our hands all bloodied, legs injured and scratched up so bad, that indeed, maybe its better to give up.

We just can't tune. Words. Words that are suppose to help us communicate, to bring us closer together.

If only I can show you how deeply your words affect me, all this internal bleeding and scars, maybe then you might understand?

I am never the person good with words. I am not clingy, I don't go down to fetch you. I don't tell you things that other children would often tell their parents.
And you were never the kind to be patient and listen. Always rushing, never stopping. Going so fast pace expecting me to catch up with you.

We keep trying. But like two rocks forcing against each other, we always end up all beaten up.

I don't what I am waiting for. Walking through my mind in a peaceful meadow under the soft sunlight, taking in the sweet scent in the air and feeling very contented like this.

Not having to fight with anyone. Just free to be myself. No need to be bound by anything. Just be myself. Be free.

The language of Flowers

To my mother.......Red Carnations

Goodbye

You know....thank you...


  I would rather I look at the crowd at the bus stop everyday, wondering if I will ever bump into you. I would rather hope silently and let the flame slowly die out...

  Looking back....honestly speaking, I don't regret the choice I made. Even though it didn't end out well- but not all stories are meant to have a happy ending. Sometimes, these are only lessons, chapter in a book that slowly lead to the ending...

  Ok. We are similar in many way. Yet very different...

Its time to let go.....

Past catching up with present

I keep thinking...I don't know what to do.. ><

  Now I can only wait to see how time and everything will go. But still....tell me.
  Don't leave my heart dangling on a thread...

  I don't like the way I am now. This girl who lets her emotions comes before logic. This girl who can't predict what will happen next or walk step by step. Its scary to see how I lose control. No safety net below. Just free fall. I become like those fools in drama, eagerly clinging along with you, taking in any scraps of affections. What the heck???

 This isn't me! Where is that barrier that I set up? What about all those lessons that I learnt from those people who are like you? This is nuts! I don't want to be a fool. I don't want to get hurt. I want to be stronger. I want to be capable! I want to be a person that you can at least look up at with at least some admiration or respect. Not this. This...this.....stupid fool that blush or can't even look you in the eye...clings to you like glue.... SERIOUSLY??? I find it so PATHETIC....I find myself pathetic...

  So please.
A year ago. I thought you made your choice.

Now you are like restarting and reopening new wounds. Memories that I locked and hidden away, thrown the key. But still...it come back like everything only happen yesterday.

 See? This is what you make me-*Waves at this blog*
 I become this irrational melodrama queen that post this kind of sickening blog post. See what you turn me to?

  Look. I take everything seriously and I want commitment. If you want a fling in a name of fun? Look somewhere else. I am not that kind of girl.

  *Reread what non-sense I have written and seriously feel like drop-dead already(not literally..but you know...)

  People should really be like traffic lights....red to kick people out. Green for company. Orange for fun. It would be SOOOOOOO much easier.... Can I be red? (somehow my green colour is lighting up instead) I don't care. The light is broken. ;p

  Urg!!!!! Thrash, burnt and tear this post apart.... *haiz.....too tired to fight.


*Stupid....hurry drop me a signal and MAKE UP YOUR MIND.....thks....
 

A few mins before school

Ok...Eat breakfast now. With the hardest bao skin I ever eaten! Feel like throwing the food back in their face! It cost $1.30 some more!Stupid shop, cheat my money!

Actually the school is kinda quiet now.
Everyone is on a holiday except for us of course. =_=...To those people who say not having exams is easier makes me want to kick them. At least you can get things over and done with!

Look you all are having holidays now while we are still drowning in work and misery here...
Actually I

A mins later....

Hi, am back. Totally hooked on this book. "Who is afraid of Mr Wolfe?"
It is a humorous and fun book to read. Like most books.

The female character get dumps by her boyfriends when she falls for her rival....Ya...typical.

Point is some books last long enough to the marriage part, however what happen after that?
Its amazing for me to see guys worshipping you one moment, sucking off all the life and energy that you have. Then they can sweep themselves out of your life like they never been in there, just perhaps leaving a hole in your heart where they used to fill it.

Anyhow

I realised I got trauma for a lot things. Guys, colour of food, church...etc...

...I guessed, I was very hard for myself since young thats why it develop to who I am now.
I experience a lot of things kids shouldn't have. And to mature on my own without adult guidance was one of the hardest thing. The world felt so dark and cold.

There were so many things that I don't understand. I didn't know what I was doing was right or wrong as a child. I relied on my instincts most of the time, but my instincts often fight with my sensibility. There was no one to teach me. No one to tell me.

But I guess, I am better now. Looking back, I always cry myself to sleep when I was young especially when I was Primary 6.

NOW...this is stupid. There are so many medication that I have to take which makes me look like I am going to commit suicide instead of getting better. This is so DUMB!!!! I don't even remember receiving so much medication when I was younger!!!! How on earth does my body even assimilate all of them?...

Anyway...today is just crazy. I keep meeting the person I like...The person I wished I could see every single day....Like what they say...be careful of what you wished for. First time was really awesome...then with each time..it progressed to be really awkward....

He went for class and he was sitting sideways through the glass door....I couldn't stop my eyes from straying to him time to time....The best part? He kept staring at me!!!! I couldn't help blushing and stop looking at him. But every time I look back...he was still staring..

I shall pretend its my imagination and don't let my heart hope too much...><....jeez!!!!Irritating.......why is love so hard? I don't like it when my logical sensible self turn into a stupid fool because of this!!!

Stop and Stare

I keep walking.
Where? I do not know.
I only know I got to walking.
Even if I can't see what is in front of me.
Even if I am scared or afraid.

I know I got to keep moving
But I am scared.
I can't see.
Everything is so dark

I know I got to keep moving
But I am afraid.
I feel like I keep getting lost
I don't know where to move forward to

I know I got to keep moving
But its like walking on a tight rope
One wrong move, and everything is gone
I keep suffocating, finding it so hard to breathe

I keep moving, even if I don't know where
I have to. I need to. I want to.
For my future. For myself. For the sake of what I want.
For those people who are there for me

I keep getting lost.
I know I will fall.
but I must not falter.
Expectations and wishes may be pressurising

Time can be so overwhelming
So many lessons that I still need to learn
So many obstacles to knock me down
But I still got to keep fighting on

For that one and only wish
that I keep holding onto
unable to let go
even now......

Eyes close....Breathe...

FB Photo

Okay. Things are getting rather good. So good suddenly.

All cause I posted a photo on Facebook....

I was so happy that many people "Like" it and commented "Good job" and "Keep up the good work" that kind of things. However Last night and today was really a shocker......

Last night was the 22th august when the once a year letter-reply finally came in a form of a Facebook message. +_+

I never received a facebook message for so long, thinking of someone else in mind and I clicked it. One click and "it blew my mind away"... I couldn't believe who it was. Quite shocking....

Lets just name her as hedgehog. (Btw, this is not an insult or anything. Just what I feel represent closest t o her personality) She kinda promise to reply my letter on teacher's day, I think 2 years ago....she promise to reply it in a year? Anyway, the thing was she did....:) At least this adult can keep her promise though I feel a bit sad?
 Because I don't want her to think of this things as a burden or a bound. Its okay if she didn't reply. But now that I think about, she thinks of little things as very important things (It doesn't mean its a bad thing) and as an observant person, she cares a lot for others. She promised to reply me a year later =_=...this is starting to get a bit......strange???

Anywhere, the next part was when she "Like" my photo...My brain was already hay wired but after seeing, I suspect my screw and wire just bounce out of my head, leaving an empty hole. I never tell her which course I study for the fear of stupid adults looking down at me, congrating me while in truth, they are looking at me with eyes of pity and sadness. It makes me want to scream at them and hurt them so bad. I HATE it. SHUT UP already, you idiots!

Iife is already hard enough but do you know that as adults, I don't care if you don't help because I know I got to carve out my path on my own. But stop it. Your words and your actions. Its..I just don't understand it...Badmouthing people, double face......I don't get it....

Thats why I kept my lips sealed when hedgehog kind of asked. I couldn't stand another one of those stupid glances and one of those halfhearted smiles... Hedgehog gave me that "sorry" look, it makes me want to throw something. anything.

Anyway, about the "like". I wonder, what does it mean? Is it from the bottom of her heart or was she already shaking her head at me like one of "Them"? Never mind...its over...till next year

Soaring on broken wings

  For that little child

You were crying so hard

crying so bad

wanting the love and comfort

that you once had

Even though you were just a child

who should be smiling 

and laughing happily 

like any other children

Life was harsh 

and Adults made it worse

Despite 

feeling lonely and sad,

you still try to soar on broken wings

hoping for a better tomorrow

Trying so hard to break those walls

to set your voice free

You fought through life

with just hope alone

life was so tough

even though 

you were just a child

If I could,

I want to pick you up

hugged you gently

stroke your hair

And whispered in your ear

"its alright now.you have me. 

its fine now."

To cry with you

Letting all the sorrows and misery out

  but don't worry

you will make it through

because  you have what others don't

You are you

the precious darling of God

and he would never forsake you

Every thing that happens

have a reason

Every obstacle exist 

to make you stronger

Never stop hoping

Never stop believing

because you always have it in you

Reminiscent

Okay, its not a rainy day.

 But this song "Reminiscent"- by Yiruma, just the first note and my heart seem to sting with it and it feels like crying.

 I never thought that a piano piece could express such a word so vivdly and so resounding that your soul can actually be in tune with it. The fast yet melancholic melody seems to sear open the locked doors of all the past memories that you left behind...

  I like the sound of his piano. It is so resounding and loud. It echos deep and touches the deep yet forgotten parts of your heart that you just want to leave behind. His music is like raindrops on a puddle of water. The first note captures your attention and the melody like ripples echoing through the surface of the water, touching your soul.

 
Anyway, I am just tired and procrastinating my work. :P

Paper pattern

I never knew that garments were made with paper pattern. I only thought of fabric.

Now I am here, with the whole table buried with tools and paper...=_=
Damn Xian....

27th, 28th and Today

Today is somehow the loneliest day.

   The irony.... I am with so many people. But somehow, my heart felt so funny. Something is missing.

Today was the Marcellie Competition. It was really good. However, I realised I was lacking people. People who had been there for me. My family. My friends. People who understand me and help me. It feels sad.

  Watching the model on runway, the feeling was gone. Maybe because the effect isn't as nice as sitting directly in front of them. Or maybe we saw it before.  But it just feels lacking. I was proud of my red dress. It was really nice till the model complained about the zip.....

The pink dress leaves much to be desired. But I really didn't know what to do with the peplum. Xian. Teacher also came along.

Tired....nights.

This girl sitting atop of a crescent moon looking down on earth, 

wondering if anyone notice her 

Dearly wanting to descend down to Earth,

but knowing that she don't belong there..

how sad..

Exhausted...

Haven't written for damn long. Still stressed up and tired from joining the competition. I finished my work from draping class but still got competition. Both skirt far from completion.

 Red dress- Skirt done but need to alter the length of the chiffon. Top part still need to attached both side and neck line plus zip

Pink Dress- Need to sew peplum and zip....

The competition is nxt wk Fri..and I have no sewing machine....=_+
Sigh.

To the people who had been there for me
when I feel like giving up
when I feel like its a lost cause
when I am feeling down
when I was so overwhelmed with stress

Thank you for all your cheers
Thank you for being there for me
Thank for bring light into my darkness
^^ I feel really blessed to have you guys

Broken Kaleidoscope

   I marvel at my ability to be able to pretend that everything is normal after how badly each trauma hit me.

   It was as it I am looking through someone else's world instead....I feel so numb.. like a soul was to escape a broken shell. But I can't cause I am trapped...

  I used to be able to look through a Kaleidoscope and see all the wonderful patterns and colours dazzling. It was so beautiful, touching a deep corner of my heart.

  But slowly....the colours start to fade. A glass filled with myriad of colours dull like how the time rusted and stop. Everything stop then. At that point of time, was when the full blown of reality hit me. Ugly cracks start appearing, growing wider and wider. Then "Pang""Ping", shattered glass rained all over me.

"Slicing off my wings,

 piercing through my heart, 

snarling into my leg, 

pinning my hands, 

cutting off my vision"

I can't see anymore. nor can I fly. Slowly healing...taking off the shards of glass struck in me. It hurts. The glass is so painful! Can you make it stop? Every step is an agony. Every sound made is a misery. Crying silent blood from my eyes. Recover but never completely heal. 

Even when I try to piece it back....the Kaleidoscope lost its magic already. That very same day that happiness ran away from me. My broken wings and wounded heart was too heavy that I left it behind. 

I left the kaleidoscope locked deep in my heart. It was too painful to look at, seeing what you have lost and being so hard to get back.. 

Like the Kaleidoscope, I left behind a part of me that day. 

Glass wall

Its not that I can't feel. Many people mistaken my aloofness for being cold and heartless.

But even I dun want to admit to myself thats actually, its the opposite.
I feel too much.
Thats why I am scared. These feelings, all these emotions, I can't handle them. They are too strong.
So I choose to runaway from them instead.

I chose loneliness for my companion instead. Its just too hard. Feelings would be my downfall. So I need to be aloof. To pretend. To protect....

Sounds cowardly. "To love like there is no tomorrow?" Sure I already spared that to those who I deemed worthy and who I know, would never do anything to hurt me or break my heart. :)

A chance

How?????????????? HOW??????

God give me a chance. But I am very scared to grab hold of it! ><
Okay, This is the problem. Not some insignificant spots or something like that....

Its a dress competition!!! ^^ I really want to try it out. To test my potential. Okay, I may not be very out-of-the-box, creative and all. That I know. Thats why I wanna give it a shot. To gain more experience and well, I don't know? Knowledge, perhaps?

Haiz.... Okay, I am NOT doing this for the price or anything. Which in truth, is only worth a pathetic $200-$300... =_=...for the winner,that is...

The theme is rather flexible. :) But I can't seem to find any aspirations, waiting for the "Eureka" moment while flipping though random stuff.

However, I feel need to go Chinatown to see if the cloth, colour and texture is available first. Damn...

Now, the trends is
Colour - Light neon colour (robin egg blue, tangerine orange), gentle pink, block colours
Fabric - Drapy (Synthetic kind), Sheer
Prints - Animal prints (Leopard prints, birds, butterfly )
Style - Flowy, see-through

Sourcing out for my aspiration now......urg.... tired...

I think i want to use a painting for aspiration...Problem? Cloth.
Plastic?

Actually, I quite like that idea. :)

Contend but not happy

There are a thousand words struck inside my head

that I want to say to you 

there are so many things that I want to do with my life

yet I am afraid

Realising that it is just not enough 

being struck behind these four walls

Kidding myself that I am content...

but I am not happy

my feet tingles 

wanting to run and dance

my hand filled with life

wanting to draw, swim and do so many things

my lungs aching

for the earthly fresh air 

Yet, I let my fear of change rule over me...

Spec

I LIKE this show!!! ^^ Its awesome! :)



Touma with her spec to be able to call up the spec people who have died and share their power is COOL!!!! :) But she threw it away!!!! >< I dun like! Thats the only point I don't agree with Sebumi! Touma uses her power for the good! so how could Sebumi criticize her powers. But its true. Humans don't need this kind of power. However, to fight Spec people, isn't it better to have SPEC too? Just as humans, its hard. Not impossible but very very very very tough.

I wanna watch the movie though... :(

Weary

Facebook? Twitter? Whatsapp?
Iphone? Notebook? E-book? Laptop? Samsung?

I am rather weary of it. Wanna talk to a friend? Go Facebook or Whatsapp.  Wanna share your thoughts? Go Facebook or Twitter. Wanna show something new? Facebook again and Tumblr.

I don't mean to criticize. I used to be a Facebook fan, addicted to my first computer game, Pet Society, for around 6 months or so. Even now, I can tell, I am hooked on my laptop. Trying to cut down to 2 hours a day, however that often depends on my mood.

Advanced technology is really awesome, from telegrams-telephone-skype-Internet(one of the greatest invention). Now you can stay in touch with pen pals and people from the other side of the world. Like globalisation, you get to explore beyond the boundaries of your country and gain knowledge so easily in just the palm of your hand. Varieties becomes unlimited and everything becomes so much easier just a click of button away.


Just as how technology diminished the distance of the world, it widens the distance between people.

The moment you step in the Mrt or bus, you can immediately spot a dozen of people with earphones on, eyes glued to the screen of their I-pad and phone. There is nothing wrong with that. Who wouldn't want to retreat into their own world having some entertainment rather than staring at the same scenery or dodging your neighbor's sleepy head?

Just that the world seemed to have gotten colder somehow. Everyone seemed so "busy". With their blackberries and all, making you feel like a gooseberry. People start to move in their own world, at their hurried pace, never stopping to breathe and just relax. They are too busy, in a hurry.
I wonder if anyone seen the forget-me-not blue sky streaked with slivery white clouds as the vibrant rays of the sun light up the world. Or the furious pattering of the rain blurring the vision of the thick glass, making you feel so glad that you are bone-dry in the bus.

In the bus, it makes me so tempted to use a needle and poke the bubble that people wrapped themselves in. The silence sometimes is so eerie, making you wonder if you are the only person "awake" in the bus, in both body and mind.

Boy Princess

I am so happy about the ending!!!! >< :D

 Prince Jed and Nicole can be together. At first, I only cared about their ending, DE, they are the main characters!

I was interested in the ending for  King/Prince Ghewin and Princess Rainy, they end up together after all. Awesome. :D Haha. He finally falls for Rainy as she wished and finally got the one-legged proposal that she wanted! Ghewin actually give up the throne so that he could marry her, so sweet. Last part so epic!!! Rainy threaten that if he didn't walk in to propose to her again, she would have brought guards to capture him and be her slave! Cute couple. ^^

I actually got more interested in Prince Derek(Antagonist) and Shahal story instead. :P My bad.What can I say? Its true that I always get attached to the tragic ones because I sympathies with them? Even I hate Prince Derek, mostly because of how he try to kill Prince Jed for the throne and also because of how badly he treat Shahal! But it was kinda his way of showing his love???? Seriously =_=||| He planned to trap Shahal by his side till death even if he can't have his heart.

Shahal hate him with all her heart. I thought at first it was because Derek rid her of all hopes of ever having a baby. It was.....but the main problem was that she fell in love with Derek(Shock Horror!!!), resulting in her being unable to bore any child. (Read the story to understand....cuz technically Shahal have no gender...) So....I was shocked when Shahal went to block the sword in order to save Derek's life yet that wonderful IDIOT went to commit suicide....leaving behind his son to be raised by Shahal and his wife. Shahal still loves Derek but maybe might end up with his son???

At first I pitied the King, only to find out in the end how much of a MEANIE he was! He made used of Derek and Jed to kill each other off! What the heck! No wonder the past Queen could never love him back! Cold hearted meanie!

It was rather sad that Prince/King June and Princess's love story was so short since the author was obviously rushing to end the series.. :( But it was sweet. :)

forgotten...

Does remembering helps? Will regaining memories of the past change the decisions I make in the future?

But the past seems so scary! With monsters inside, all trying to crawl out the closet that I locked and bound so tight. I don't want to remember. But not knowing.....makes me feel like I am missing out a part of me....

Lets just play pretend for a while more. I don't want this dream to end...

......................................................................................................................................................................

What a day

XP

Hear me

I get so fed up with myself.

Half the time when there is so much important things to say, I always get choked up in tears.
The main reason isn't because I am angry or sad. But its cause I get so frustrated.
I want to say so many things, I want to convey my message but......it always get struck....

 Then I become so angry at myself for being so useless that I end up crying. Unable to say a thing.

 I want to tell her, its not your fault. Its not anyone's fault.
 I just want everyone to stop hurting.
 But always....the waterworks start first then I start hiccuping very bad...
 then the words.........never got a chance to come out...  

 Somehow I always make matters worse.
 Everyone is trying their best, its just that somehow....
 We keep missing each other
 keep misunderstanding each other
 keep blaming each other
 keep hurting each other

 With so many words inside me,
 so many sentences, thoughts, messages...
 but I can't convey it...

 Need to listen...I need you to wait...I need to listen...
 Can you listen?

Y

You have a way 

of making people 

feeling that they are better off 

dead than living

You have an appetite 

for crushing people's spirit

chewing and tearing them up

than spitting them out

Acting like you are the victim

when its the opposite

the rules you set

change according to your mood

Expecting perfection from others

never looking below the surface

to see how rotten and disgusting 

it is inside

Its always about you

how you are suffering

how you are in pain

how you are in agony

spinning people in circles

making them lose their sense of direction

losing sight of themselves

wondering who they are

sometimes making them 

feel worse than nothing

feeling life is meaningless

bring the worst out of them

misunderstanding

pain

argument

nothing helps

except to spit the crack wider

to tear everyone apart further

now even if the cracks come together
the past can't return
anymore

run...

"Shhhh"

Close your eyes

Don't speak

Just listen

.....

Can you hear it?

The sound of a girl crying?

the cutting silence

the crashing waves

fours walls all around

with blood dripping down

the feeling of drowning 

never being able to stand up 

again

The darkness that draws you closer and closer

silent screaming

frustration piling up to exhaustion

Standing and falling

meaningless life

repeating cycle

Where is the light?

What happen to the old times?

So many unanswered question

so much misunderstanding

so much pain

hearts that are broken beyond repair

how long more?
when will it end?
spilled tears
wounds and pain

"Shhh..hhh"
stop talking
don't speak

just let me rest for a little while more
just let me sleep for a little while more
just let me runaway

Hardened UP

I stopped crying long time ago

realising 

tears are useless

and that it can't changed anything

My heart was drowning in the tears

that couldn't flow out

so I froze it 

and harden it

So that no tears can escape

nor can it be hurt anymore 

or so 

I try to make myself believe..

When the push comes to the shove

I can't cry

Frustrating yet I know I can't

When you know that 

you are all alone in the world

that no one will be there 

that everyone is waiting for you to fall

You can only be strong

You must be tough

even if its all a pretense

cause 

you only got yourself

Even if I become cold

I don't have choice

Its a way of survival

the only way

I know how to survive

in this cold harsh and cruel world.

Eyes Open

Stress piling up,

higher and higher,

sinking you down

further and further

Wanting Quality 

yet time

 is your main enemy

17 hours of work 

is not enough

Hurry! Quick!

rush,rush,rush

Everyone is watching

Everyone is waiting

Wanting you to breakdown

Wanting you to fall

Overwhelmed with worry

 push to the limit

at the edge of breaking down 

wanting to let everything go

Take a breath

Stop

Layout your work

Focus- one at the time

You are you

stop comparing

be it slow or be it fast

it will definitely be done

Believe.

You can do it

Tips:

Don't Slack :D

Let tomorrow worry for itself  ^^

"Do your best and let God worry about the rest"

Change

Okay. My dream catcher idea got kill by @.....which I somehow "foresaw" it. I keep trying to have back up plan but I didn't really think too hard on it till....My idea got KILLED...

I was trying to avoid sewing but either God want me to practice my sewing or face my fears or foresaw that my dream catcher couldn't sell thats why he arranged this turn of events.

I have to keep trying to remind myself that it is not the end of the world...but since I am a "here and now" person, I feel extremely thrown off balance at changes. I don't like changes...I am scared of losing that security. I am trying to be brave. I am trying to learn to be more adaptive or at least have plan B all the time.

Sometimes, no choice. you change because you have or you can't move without doing it. =_= |||

The Lone Star (Alpha)

Amid the laughter and sounds

A lone girl 

sits in a corner

hiding away from the rest of the world

Wearing ear piece

listening to music

trying to drown out the noise

pretending

that she is the only one in the world

that she is fine

that she didn't care and didn't give a damn

Yet that is this slight sting that exist in her heart

like she is missing something

something important

something or more like someone

Waiting is no use

but 

trying....is no use either

That someone needs to be special 

special enough...

to not feel awkward being silent with

for heart to feel at ease with

This kind of person 

just can't be anyone.

Sometimes the girl wonder

is she being too picky?

or scared because the old scar still hurts?

or is it because that person just haven't come along yet?

Is she too ordinary?

or is she too unique?

neither sounds good

No use thinking either

Let all these negative thoughts go to sleep

All the worries, all the trouble

throw to the wind.

Just drown in the soothing words of the song

and let the melody feel the empty soul

bringing a person far from reality

Nonsense

A human mind is very very very complex. To make things worse is everyone is different so its harder figuring it out. I think its better, to have someone who can see through you that easily would be scary.

I am writing nonsense that I dun even know what I am writing about so don't bother trying to understand it. I don't even know what nonsense i am spouting


Continuing....

Humans are actually full of contradiction which make sense. The best example, about how they want to be loved but reject love because they are afraid to get hurt.
Which makes me wonder for those authors whom write romance novels, did they conjure this story out of their wishful dreams or are they like the character in their books? Where their spouse eventually manage to convince them to fall in love with them?

I learn a new word about being cynical in love. I like to think that I am more realistic instead.
They said that if parents let children believe in fantasy and magic, these children will more likely be able to differentiate the difference between fantasy and reality. Well, I never have much of dream world. Snow White to me was just a cartoon, like most movies, watched and forgotten. (The more meaningful or the one you can relate to are the ones that will make a difference in your life but eventually it will fade too)

I only started knowing of fairies and gnomes when I was nine years old, the time when I like reading books. By that time, I already realised that these fantasy are only magic that you can once in a while to relieve yourself of problems and trouble in the world. Yet without a doubt, reality always win in the end. 

I don't like Disney, like Cinderella or Snow White. The female are too perfect. Too kind, too forgiving, too pure. Its annoying that they can't even fight for themselves. While Prince Charming, for some reason, all look quite the same, charming, handsome. =_=.... Nothing wrong expect everything is too perfect!!!!!

Neither do I like mickey mouse or donald duck. I do not like their character.

Howl's Moving Castle is then my fairytale to me. I like Studio Ghilbi's works a lot!!!! >< Howl and Sophie is so cute together. At least its one of the stories that got a proper ending. ;D Sure glad it did. I LOVE her nature works a lot. Its beautiful. And her imagination is really what you have to give her credit for.  Its not just any typical love story. There are many different kind of love and the creative plots are simply lovely. (Well, at least most of them are)

Well many people say I m very critical. :P I guess so.
Okay, done writing nonsense. PUBLISH.

....

This Holiday is ending....I feel like I give work just to start sch. Quite depressing...

How contrasting as compared to my attitude this morning. =_=...

But then again, human are full of contradictions which make sense....which is quite funny.

><...... I wanna sleep and pretend everything is a dream

Beautiful Life

I should be happy....


Because I have a family
Because I have friends who are there for me
Because I can act the girl of my age
Because I never know what tomorrow may bring
Because I am still alive and still breathing
Because I have eyes to see the many beautiful colours that create this world I live in
Because I have ears to hear the different melodies and sound that brings the world to life
Because I can taste the bittersweetness of my roller coaster life
Because I can smell the scent of what nature brings me, rain scent days, flowers
Because I have hands to create, nurture and heal
Because I have legs to run, to feel the vibrant warmth of the sun
Because I can sing and laugh, spreading the joy to the word
Because I have every reason to be. :)

Most of all,
Because I CAN. :D Hahaha ^^

:) Corrine May's new album- Crooked Lines

"God writes straight with crooked lines"

I heard it yesterday while purchasing paint and brushes from Popular. I was so thrilled to heard her gentle yet strong voice carrying meaningful messages to everyone!I could scarcely contained my joy when I realised that she had a new album.  :) Its so resounding in your soul. I like her voice, her song always being able to carry story without even needing a music video. ^^ Her voice is very infectious.

Trying

Runaway
holed up in my world
trying to stop my defenses
from crumbling
from breaking down.

trying to be less harsh on myself
trying to be more understanding
trying to love myself more
but its hard...

Believing myself have never been easy
but still I try
And I gotta keep trying.

I gotta keep trying
I gotta keep trying.

Okay. I just recovered from being sick. sort of....

    HATE being sick. I really mean it. I got two types of illness. 


One is asthma. Which starts from sore throat to flu to cough. Difficulty breathing. Coughing till I suspect my lungs break into two that kind. And if it continues, I get stomach ache.

And I got asthma just last month. Seriously.

This illness is equally bad. Its like being an oven. My insides burned so bad, like a blazing fire. And the heat seems to be stolen away from my hands and feet, feeling very cold. My bones suddenly weigh very heavy like as if there were chains attached to them. It definitely did not help that my stomach was hurting.
 
And the only way out was to burn it out. For example,wrapping myself in blankets like a cocoon.

Problem: My body is very good at keeping cool, trying to keep the fire to a minimum inside.

But I am alright now cept for that nagging stomach ache. Urg....

Random

• Didn't meet that stupid annoying S Americano guy today. :) Kinda glad.
• 
  
• Morning was dead. 
• While afternoon..................I think the crowd came after church or something. When I am about to go home......
• 
  
• The whole world decided to love cake. Oreo cheesecake was sold out, this guy even wanted the broken one. But he ate only the tip, Feng was pissed off. I mean, you spend $6.90 for one slice of cake and not eat it? Rather wasted.
• 
  
• Spring got to do full shift. Zhafri didn't come (it better be a good reason or Spring will kicked his ass. And personally, I don't blame her due to past experiences.) 
• 
  
• My next week's schedule SUCKS. Night shift at Katong. Morning shift the next day at Suntec. x2 What the crap is Lela thinking????? URG!  
•  
• All the secrets I have to keep are not secrets anymore. :) 
• 
  
• QUITTING SOON!!! :D :D :D
• Done. Drained out. Did night shift at katong yesterday...

Wake up call

I think i am rather pathetic.

Expecting something

when I don't know what I want.

Wanting something

but expecting only disappointment

only failure

Wanting to believe

yet unable to trust

Wanting care and concern

yet unable to withstand

tired to carry on

yet have to

wanting to throw away everything

and live for myself

but unable to do so

looking for excuses

expecting the worst

running away

 _ _

*P.S. Someone do the honors of slapping me out of it*

Totally Captivated

          "Why is it that when you stretch out your hand to me, you always runaway every time when I decide to catch it ?"

That sentence struck me the most. 

 

I keep thinking that every thing you do and say is trying to get through me somehow, with that tiny glimmer of hope that I have reading. While I am having that mere glimmer of hope that you are reading too.

It terribly annoying that the heart and mind can't work together as well. Even though your head knows fully well of the consequences, yet your heart just wouldn't acknowledge. Urg...H-A-T-E  I-T.

Even if I do know now, you are still giving me hope. Hope that I really don't need. Because its not good. 

"Love is like a butterfly, it comes and goes as it pleases"

You are like the wind, unable to stop for anyone because there is not much importance. Ouch. But yes. The truth. I am just not.

Every meeting is by chance. The moment that brought us together was by fate. Something so intangible and unknown. Something out-of-reach like the forbidden apple only makes people want it more, like the same mistakes that Adam and Eve made. Yup, I knew. Heck, everyone knew of the outcome. But does that stop us, NO.- The faults of a human. making the same mistake not once, not twice but a lot of times.

"Loving without wanting anything in return is a BIG fat lie"  

For a family and friends, yes, its possible. But loving someone as a lover, its not. Because you are only human and somewhere deep in your heart, you wished for it too. Every human carved for love unconsciously no matter how strong, how hard or how cold that person may seem to be. 

So I am still learning. Even though I swore never to do these kinds of stupid things again. Like as if I have a say in these matters :P

"You don't die of a heartbreak, you only wished you had"

The cruel brutal truth. Yes, that is the way of life. Somehow you will still continue living in that cold empty shell. Somehow you will keep living. Living with depression of the loss and the guilt for being able to live with it.

P.s. I think most people can exhibit the character of a hedgehog when having a crush. 

Yesterday

Yesterday? I had to do full shift. 7am-11pm (16 hours)


   I was so pissed off that I got nothing to say. Like really angry. But the only reason that I bothered to do full shift was because of 2 reason. First, because the person who couldn't come is actually my good friend, so I helped her, repaying the things that she once done for me, remembering our years of friendship. Second, because I can't possibly throw everything to Lela and Spring is very good to me.

It only because of the friendships that I would bother to stay if not I wouldn't give a damn about it and just went home already.

  Lela seemed okay enough. But when everyone hear she is coming over because Ummi transferred over, this was the first word that came out of everybody's mouth. F***. To tell you the truth, I was utterly shocked when I heard that.

• They say Lela is extremely strict. 
• Would take take no crap from you, a mistake is a mistake 
• Will give you no face and yelled at you in front of the customers,  should you do anything wrong
• Would scold you and screamed at your mentor/Spring for it. 

Okay, I freaked out. I was like:"SERIOUSLIY??????" I imagined her as someone of Susan's age. But I got the shock of my life, at my own stereotype.
Turns out Lela is only 23. She seems to be okay so far when I work with her yesterday. From her crude language and sex jokes, it didn't take me long to figure that she and skanthan must have been best of friends. But then again, I was on my guard. I met so many double faced people while working so I on my guard.
However Lela told me a lot about herself. What a problem child she was in the past. What made her changed to the Lela she was now.

Really. I am starting to think that I got the trustworthy face or something. Everybody is telling me their secrets and past, being so sure that I can keep them. Yes, I can but that its not what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that they are willing to TRUST me. Maybe the other fact is also because I trained myself to listen so people like talking to me? Its hard trying to listen because you want to interrupt and be the one talking instead. So I am still training myself to listen.

Actually, even if I accidentally stumble on someone else's secret, I wouldn't tell. cross my heart. As long as its not illegal or bad. Even if like you were an ex-convict before, I don't give a damn. Because who you are in the past doesn't define who you are now.


But if you are stealing money now, that changes the story. Don't bother asking me to keep it a secret. I will confirm rat you out. My moral values.

Oh wells, overall, I got to understand Lela better. But I need more time to see beyond the outer layers of her anyway.

Anger

Need to sleep. Morning shift this whole week. Off on thurs :(

Work :/

Today was absolutely nuts. Really! ;< So tired. Today is middle shift, 12-8pm. Tomorrow is morning shift.

Lyrics(English):

Both the flowers and the trees are sad

Only being able to grow toward the sky

Every time they look down, they remember

And they look up once again

You look so sad as you sleep

As if you are having a bad dream

But I am here. Right beside you.

And I won't go anywhere.

HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?

Everyone looks up at the sky

But then glances back down

You will never see the blue sky unless you search for it

Which may seem sad

You have lived mistaking freedom for selfishness

Relying on a starless night

With an invisible eye

Wandering around

I have had nothing to be afraid of

Because I had nothing to protect

Not tomorrow or ten years after 

The me now is scared

I LIVE HAPPY MY SWEETHEART

To everyone who is empty

Lend out a hand, and dream a dream

Now look to the sky

For I will always protect you

The shadow is free to flap its wings and fly around

For I do not long for it anymore

Everyone isn't free

Freedom isn't anything like that

It's just that the sky doesn't have a road

In the sky called "you"

Is where I am trapped

I am not going anywhere

So please don't go anywhere either

Everyone is in the sky

In the cage called "freedom"

It is enough if you are here

For in this sky I do not need wings anymore

Okay. I fell in love with this Japanese song the moment I listen to the sad sweet melody while understanding the lyrics. It just that somehow i could relate what he was feeling. Its just like that with people too. Just a glance and a short conversation, somehow you have this feeling that you are destined to meet/have met before. Its insane but human mind is too complex for understanding anyway. 

The artist of this song is Yuuya Matsushita. This is the only song I heard from him. The loneliness that he feels and the pain which he felt from that person, the helplessness, the want to protect that person who is so precious to him and the willingness to give up everything just for that one special person.

Anyway I am going to replace this one with my current ringtone. Both are from anime ending song.....actually my ring tone only seem to revolve around this two, Bird and Michiyuki. 

Michiyuki is a sadder Japanese song so I don't want anybody else listening to it. Personal reasons and stuff. :P Well, all that matters is I like it :D 

-------***------

Actually I am downloading songs for work, I keep listening to that same few songs repeating over and over again, I thought I was going to go insane. Today was the day when I finally finish learning almost everything already. From cold drinks to hot drinks to cashiering to food. 

The cashiering still is rather annoying for me though....there are so MANY pages. Under one category, there are another 7 group, under that 1 group, there are 3 pages. And if the customers wants things like soy milk, discount and other stuff, I freak out even more. Thats the MAIN issue. I can't work when there are alarms bells ringing in my head and all I want to do is to scream for help.  

Urg...=_=... some drinks/food like langmiton and scones are hard to find for some reason. Actually even if its under my nose, I would have panicked so much by then, not to notice it. When customers pay Visa, thats one of the difficult part. There was this customers' card, I tried 3 times before it worked! By that time, the queue grewwwwwww... I felt so stressed. 

New stuff I learn- how to make whipped cream. (fun but sour taste :P)  how to heat up the milk and make foam (I am scared of the streamer thing actually 8~8) how to cook breakfast eggs in an microwave.(no eggs, didn't get to do it ;( ) How to make chai tea :P (Don't like the smell of it) Cut a good slice for once! (forget to heat it though... :( ) Learn how to oven the pasta and food (quite interesting.. '_-) 

Spring was annoyed with me because I can't find the food/drinks in the machine. :( Anyway, we were both irritated by Ummi (our manager) who forever says she is "on her way" but never seem to be arriving.... And that wasn't the first time, Spring was super angry that she actually went high, complaining non-stop to Zafri (a new-comer) Finally, I told Spring to just dump everything to us since I kinda know everything. She was reluctant about it, till I give all kinds of reasoning and excuses then she went off. 

Morning shift is 7am-3pm. I woke up at 5:30am. All shift are 8 hours. Ummi didn't come till 6pm+,so she was 3hours late. The timing is =_=..... Hello! That is when all the buses and trains are cramped and packed like sardines. 

I do have a bad habit or maybe 'training' would be a better word. I trained myself to keep quiet and shut every single of anger or complaint I have inside me. Because I don't want to cause a commotion, okay maybe more because I am doormat. (Happy? I Admit it) :( URG!!!!! The "finding your inner tigress" book is not helping!!!! 

Whatever. I survived on 3 sugar donut twist and one cream bread(sweetening and sickening) plus a villain muffin (nice. yums :D) for breakfast and lunch. Don't know how I stay so energised even though I woke up so early! 

Okay. Gotta go. This gotta be one of my LONGESTTTTTTTTT reflection. :D haha

 

Weaving Stories

Okay, lets just write a lot of stories that have a bit of link to each other since I got so many stories swimming in my head but I do not know what to start with.

  Spring is my supervisor at work. This week monday, she had to work from 8am to 11pm because Ummi fell sick. The day before was so busy due to the last day of the IT fair that everyone reached home around 1am+ to 2pm+ kind of timing. So its a no wonder she is so exhausted and was angry at Ummi.

Some people become more energised/crazy without enough sleep. While some is at their worst, I am one of them. Spring said she was super angry, but I can't really tell. Aside from the fact that she complained a bit (a BIT, I would have complained to the whole world), she was still her usual kind and patient self.

Normally, I try to stay out of angry people's way but I am still new to the job so I can't avoid asking her for help. I did make quite a few mistakes, but she never blew up at me. She just let it go and continued her work. But she did give Ummi a tongue lashing because she dislike irresponsible people.

I felt that I ought to take a leaf off her notebook. Because she doesn't take out her anger at anyone other than the person who caused it. She was still professional at her job, smiling away like today was the best day of her life. I was really amazed by her. She did complained a bit to me, but I didn't say anything because I don't know her well enough to know what to say or what not to say. She could have just dump her work and left home but she didn't. She said that she wasn't going to leave me struggling by myself. I was grateful. :)


Another thing I learn that day was if there is a problem I can't solved, I should just run straight to it, not away from it .  Then I could just fall down, but worry not, cause I know someone is down there to catch me. I was learning new stuff on Monday, about cashier and food. It was scary because there are so many categories in the cashier machine and I have to keep flipping next page searching for one item!!! I panicked like crazy but was trying not to show it in front of the customer.


The food part wasn't hard because you just need to press how long to microwave. The hard part was cutting the cake, =_=..You must be thinking how hard can that be? Ha-ha. Damn Hard. Because the cake is rather hard and frozen inside, so it very hard to cut through. Even if you did manage to cut it apart, doesn't mean you cut it well because the slice somehow wouldn't separate from the cake or the front part collapsed because you cut it too thin in front. Too thin or untidy cake cannot be served to the customers, so we eat it ourselves. :D (It was PARADISE!!! Since Cheesecake is my fav and their cheesecake is super nice! ^V^ I ate 3 slices already. Hahaha)


Lazy to continue. Will stop here for now. :)
Have a good day.

Written In the Stars

Eyes full of judgement and condemn

towering heights staring me down

hiding in my own world 

trying to tune out the "reality" world

cause even if I scream my throat raw

no one will hear me out

tears don't help

yet I can't do anything

feeling lonely and helpless

confused and lost

wondering 

"what the heck am I doing now?"

running, running, running

so desperately

trying to search for something

trying to look something

that keeps me holding on

from breaking apart

STOP

eyes close

Breathe

eyes open

nothing left in this world

only me

only my identity and my true self

head held high 

looking at the stars

I am on my way

Long time never write a poem so I randomly wrote one while listening to 

Tinie Tempah - Written In The Stars ft. Eric Turner

Stay true to yourself, sometimes its the only thing that keeps you going when the whole world falls apart and you are alone.